The Mythic Read

Thursday, 24 September 2015

The Book of Kings IV: The End of the Heroic Age

"What's he doing?"
"Praying, he said."
"I don't like it."
"He said we shouldn't worry, maybe get drunk or something."
"I don't like it at all."

Eventually, the nobles get so worried that they send for Rostam.

Rostam and Zal arrive at the court to take charge. Khosrow comes out from his retreat and explains that he wants to retire.

"You want to retire? What madness is this? Is this the idiot madness of your grandfather Kay Kavus? Are you going to make an eagle-powered spaceship? Or is this the evil madness of your other grandfather Afrasyab? Is this because you're descended from Zahhak? Did you make the demon Eblis your cook!?"
"Calm down, Zal. I'm pretty sure I'm doing the right thing. I've been praying for God's wisdom for five weeks, and the Angel Sorush said I should retire."
"Oh."
"It's ok, man. It's ok."
"I'm sorry, it's just that I've never seen a king pray for wisdom before."

Zal takes a lot of convincing, but in the end Khosrow's serenity wins out and the court accepts his decision to retire. Then the Persian people take a lot of convincing, but the king's serenity wins out and they also accept his decision to retire.

Then he appoints the nobody noble Lohrasp as his successor, and everyone goes nuts again, Zal included.

Khosrow patiently explains that Lohrasp has all the necessary virtues: wisdom, royal ancestry, divine kingly radiance. Also, the angel Sorush said it was ok and the angel Sorush hasn't spoken to anyone since the Mythic Age. Zal mutters that he hadn't realised the royal ancestry bit, and concedes that Lohrasp is probably an okay choice for king. If the angel Sorush says so.

Khosrow then explains that he intends to ride off into the mountains and become a hermit. His court offer to escort him. The king explains that they seem to have missed the point of the 'hermit' thing, but they come anyway. In the mountains, he tells them to stay on the lush, green, fertile side, while he rides on down the desolate wilderness side. He patiently points out the symbolism: this side is lush, green and fertile, that side is desolate wilderness. Zal, Rostam and another hero, Gudarz, eventually get the hint. Several other heroes decide to stay with the king for a bit longer. On the desolate side of the mountain, Khosrow asks the remaining heroes to return, please, because there is a massive blizzard coming and anyone who stays here will die. The party camps, and the next morning Khosrow has vanished without a trace.

Then a massive blizzard comes along and everyone who stayed there dies.

Esfandyar
Lohrasp's son is Goshtasp, who is a bit troublesome and gets himself exiled, first to India and then to Rum. He marries a Rumi princess, kills a wolf and a dragon and ends up threatening Persia with a Rumi army. Lohrasp concedes the throne to him and retires to become a monk.

Goshtasp's son is Esfandyar, who is a bit troublesome and is imprisoned by his father for suspected treason. However, when yet another war against Turan starts going badly, Esfandyar is released and becomes the big hero of the war. He expects to be named as heir, but first, Goshtasp demands another service from him.

Esfandyar is to drag Rostam before him in chains.

Rostam still technically owes fealty to the Persian throne, but hasn't been around much since Khosrow's time and hasn't sworn an oath to Goshtasp. Esfandyar's son, Bahman, points out that they could probably just ask for his oath, but Esfandyar says that he has his orders and he'll show the old man, he'll see.

Bahman is sent as an emissary to Zabolestan. Bahman is a nice kid and easily befriends Rostam, and he explains the situation. Rostam says he's pretty happy to swear the oath, and he'll do it if Goshtasp comes and asks in person.

This is not good enough for Esfandyar, who knows it will not be good enough for Goshtasp.

"Rostam! I bid you yield in my father's name!"
"That's pretty reasonable, I've served the kings of Persia for...must be more than six hundred years by now. You should come into the palace, meet the family..."
"My orders are to bring you to my father in chains!"
"Oh, child."

Things escalate, and soon Rostam and Esfandyar are exchanging insults. Zal counsels that Rostam just go and give Goshtasp his oath, but Rostam refuses to yield, and before long it's maces at dawn.

The duel is evenly matched, and Rostam's brother, Zavareh, gets a bit bored and decides to pick a fight with Esfandyar's son Nushazar. Given that each of these are in charge of an army, when the situation comes to blows it comes to a lot of blows; Nushazar and his brother Mehrnush are killed by Zavareh and Rostam's son Faramarz.

The pitched battle interrupts the duel. Rostam is enraged that the battle started without his orders and Esfandyar is enraged that his sons have been killed. Rostam offers to hand his brother and son over to justice, but Esfandyar decides to blame Rostam and the duel starts up again.

Towards the end of the day, Rostam realises that Esfandyar is actually invincible. Rostam retreats, heavily wounded, but promises to come back the next day to continue the battle. Esfandyar sends his sons' coffins back to his father, with a letter telling him that this is a result of his orders.

Rostam consults with his family. Zal says that the easiest way out for Rostam at this point is probably to die, but he does know a slightly trickier way. He sets fire to one of his magic feathers, and summons the Simorgh.

The Simorgh uses its beak, talons and extensive knowledge of surgery to put Rostam into a stable condition. It then asks why he's being so stupid as to fight Esfandyar, who (a) is invincible and (b) possesses the divine kingly radiance. Rostam explains that it's about honour, and the Simorgh says that maybe it could be about not dying instead. Rostam sees the sense in this, and agrees to call off his duel. The Simorgh takes him to an enchanted garden and gives him the branch of a tamarisk tree to use as an arrow that will, if necessary, kill Esfandyar. It instructs him to confront Esfandyar and to try and talk him down, with the arrow being a last resort.

The next morning Rostam, mostly but not entirely healed, tries to talk Esfandyar down. He offers to let Esfandyar lead him to the king's presence, although preferably not in chains. Esfandyar insists on continuing the fight, and mocks, taunts and challenges him.

Reluctantly, Rostam shoots him in the face.

With his dying words, Esfandyar forgives Rostam, and Zal, and the Simorgh, and lays the blame for his death on his father Goshtasp. Goshtasp's courtiers explain that Esfandyar refused all reasonable requests from Rostam, and persisted because of his father's orders. They too condemn Goshtasp, not Rostam.

Bahram stays with Rostam, and is fostered in Zabolestan until he comes of age. Rostam sends a letter to Goshtasp, offering his apologies, a sizeable tribute and an explanation of the events leading to the death of Esfandyar. Bahram, well-trained and glowing with divine kingly radiance, returns to his grandfather's court. The repentant king gladly accepts his grandson as his heir, and the two become inseparable.

The death of Rostam
Many hundreds of years have past since Rostam was born to Zal, but Zal still keeps an active harem, and one slave - a musician and a storyteller - bears him a beautiful son. However, this one turns out to be one too many. Astrologers come from miles around to prepare a horoscope, and it's all bad. The boy - Shaghad - is prophesied to ruin Zal's entire family line.

Bummer, says Zal.

The kid grows up beautiful, chatty and witty. He is sent to be trained in the kingdom of Kabol, a tributary of Zabolestan. He finds favour, and the king marries Shaghad to his daughter.

The time comes round for the annual tribute, and the king suggests to his new son-in-law that perhaps the tribute might be waived on account of it now all being in the family. Rostam does not agree, and demands the tribute. This causes tension in Kabol, and offends Shaghad, who more or less agrees with the king. Shaghad and the king begin plotting to take revenge on Rostam for asking for his perfectly legal and agreed tribute.

The plot goes like this: Shaghad and the king stage a fight, where Shaghad is insulted and runs home to Rostam. Meanwhile, the king and a hundred of his closest friends secretly dig the hunting grounds full of spiked pit traps. Step three: profit.

In Zabolestan, Shaghad complains of having been bitterly hard done by. Rostam, fond of his brother, offers to invade. He grabs his other brother Zavareh and a small force and heads off to Kabol.

The king of Kabol receives Rostam warmly: I'm sorry, he says, I was drunk, I didn't mean it, please forgive me, would you like to go hunting?

The king describes the hunting grounds in such glowing terms that Rostam can't resist. On arrival, Raksh, his horse, is immediately suspicious, but Rostam drives him on.

Unfortunately, the hunting grounds are full of spiked pit traps, and Rostam and Raksh fall into one.

Raksh dies immediately; Rostam is heavily pierced, but manages to crawl out of the pit. He sees Shaghad and the king of Kabol, and swears that his son Faramarz will avenge him.

He asks a final request of Shaghad: that his bow be strung and left in front of him with two arrows. Shaghad, not the brightest of Zal's sons, complies.

"Uh. Why do you want a bow, brother?"
"Oh, you know. There might be lions."
"That seems reasonable."

At this point, Shaghad suddenly realises that the mightiest hero Persia has ever seen is armed, wounded and angry, and he runs off to hide behind a tree. Rostam draws his bow and fires an arrow through the tree, pinning his brother to it. Shaghad dies.

And then Rostam dies.

And also Zavareh dies. The hunting field is full of spiked pit traps.

Aftermath
Faramarz is sent to recover his father's and uncle's bodies from the spiked pit traps, and he buries them in a grand tomb. Then he does indeed take vengeance on the king of Kabol, sacking his city and executing his family by flame. He also burns Shaghad's tree and much of the surrounding countryside.

Unfortunately, Faramarz's elaborately destructive show of vengeance inspires the king, Bahram, who remembers that his father was killed by Rostam. Moreover, he believes that Rostam used Zal's sorcery to do it, and, most importantly, he now knows that Rostam is dead. Zal is taken prisoner, and Zabolestan is plundered. Faramarz rebels, and gathers a force to attack the king and free his grandfather, but the attack is unsuccessful and Faramarz is killed.

Bahram's anger is sated, and his advisors warn him that his actions are straying from the path of divine kingliness, what with taking vengeance on the people that raised him and all. He relents, and releases Zal. Bahman, no longer driven mad by vengeance, turns his attention to his people, and becomes a moderately okay king: "Some were pleased with his reign, while others lived in grief and sorrow."

Seeing out the Heroic Age with one last king
When Bahman dies, he passes the throne to his pregnant daughter, Homay. Homay is a good queen, loved by her people, wise and just. She quickly realises that she doesn't actually want to give up kinging in favour of an actual baby. She calls in a carpenter, and asks him to make a watertight box.

The carpenter asks how big a box.

Baby sized, says Homay.

When the baby is born, Homay puts him in the box along with some jewels, and sends him down the river. The child is found by a fuller and his wife, who themselves have just lost a baby. They resolve to bring him up as if he were their own, and name him Darab.

"Husband, I think that baby might be royal."
"What makes you say that, wife?"
"The jewels. The cloth. And he's got the queen's profile. But mostly..."
"Yes, wife?"
"Mostly, it's the divine kingly radiance."

Darab grows up strong and stubborn and martially inclined, and also tends to glow. He resents learning his adopted family's trade, which he sees as beneath him. Eventually, he becomes uncontrollable, and the fuller tells him the truth about his origins. This all makes sense to Darab, who felt that he never really fit in. He claims the remaining jewels, uses them to kit himself as a warrior and a horseman, and goes off to join the army.

While on campaign, a large storm blows up, and floods out the tents. Darab takes shelter in some ruins. The commander, Reshanavad, sees him sleeping, and seems to hear the wind singing about how this is actually the king of Persia. This seems a bit odd to him, so he asks the wind if it knows what it's talking about, and it assures him that it does. Nodding, Reshanavad wakes the kid up, upgrades his equipment and asks him where he's from. Darab tells him about the box and the fuller. Rehanavad sends for the fuller and his wife, and sends a full report to Homay.

The army then marches on Greece. Darab distinguishes himself mightily, and Reshanavad offers him a large share of the plunder. Darab takes a lance but otherwise refuses. On the army's return to Persia, Darab is presented to Homay. The queen immediately recognises him as her son. Reshanavad confirms that this is indeed the boy he wrote about. Homay names Darab her heir.

"Also, sorry about abandoning you as a child."
"No worries, mum. What were you going to do, give up kinging in favour of an actual baby?"

Darab becomes king and continues the campaign against Greece. He marries a Greek princess, fathers a child on her, and then sends her back to her father.

The boy is named Sekander, and grows up believing himself the rightful king of Persia, if not the world...

Next: The Historic Age.

Thursday, 3 September 2015

The Book of Kings III: Rostam and the King

"Sire. That's a really stupid idea. Like a really stupid idea. Like, in the history of stupid ideas, this is up there with 'make the demon Eblis your cook'."
"But wouldn't it be awesome if we won?"
"Sire. Jamshid, with his magic seal and ring, never invaded Mazanderan. Feraydun, who defeated the Demon-King Zahhak, never invaded Mazanderan. Tahmures, the Binder of Demons, never invaded Mazanderan, and he rode Ahriman like a horse."
"But we would be more awesome than all of those guys!"

Kavus will not be dissuaded, and leaves Zal and Rostam to guard the home front. After a brief period of successful pillaging, the entire Persian force is promptly captured by demons. The Persians are imprisoned by the White Demon and his lieutenant Arzhang, and Kavus is blinded.

Kavus is, however, able to dispatch a messenger to Zal, firstly to apologise for not listening to him and secondly to beg for help. Since Kay Kavus took the whole army, Zal has only one option: he sends Rostam.

Rostam has a choice: he can follow Kavus' army and fight off the entire demon horde, or he can take a shortcut through the mountains. He takes the latter course. He faces seven trials:

a lion (dispatched by his horse, Raksh)
thirst (prayer; guided to a spring by a ram)
a dragon (Rostam and Raksh in tandem)
a witch (lariat/dagger combo)
a farmer, Olad (lariat/diplomacy combo)
Arzhang (barehanded decapitation)
the White Demon (sword/dagger combo)

The White Demon's blood restores Kavus' sight, and the Persian army is able to defeat the remaining forces in Mazanderan. Rostam's farmer, Olad, is placed on the the throne, Mazanderan is secured as a tributary, and everyone returns home in triumph.

The Mythic Persian Space Program
This is a small episode, but one of my favourites: Kay Kavus, after a conversation with a demon, decides that being king of the world just isn't good enough.

"I'm ruler," said Kavus, "of all that I see
But I don't see enough. That's the trouble with me."

(with apologies to Mr Geisel.)

Kavus has a plan: he has his warriors kidnap baby eagles, which he feeds up to monstrous size. He then ties four giant eagles to his throne and sets off for outer space. He ascends past the clouds and into the realm of the angels. But eventually the eagles tire as eagles must, and the spacethrone falls back to earth. The vessel is destroyed and the king finds himself stuck in a tree, miraculously unhurt, except from his pride. He his rescued by his heroes, who berate him violently, and returns to his palace. After a period of shame and sulking, he leaves his chambers, determined to be a just and wise king.

Sohrab, son of Rostam
Sohrab has a hard life.

So it comes about that Rostam loses his horse to Turkish horse thieves, near the border with Turan. He heads to the nearest town - Samangan - and is welcomed by the local king, who puts him up and offers to find Raksh. That night, he is seduced by the king's daughter, Tahmineh. Raksh is found the next morning and Rostam rides home, leaving Tahmineh with a clasp that she is to give to her son, should she happen to have one.

Time passes and sure enough, a son is born. Tahmineh names him Sohrab. Sohrab grows up quickly, displaying alarming prowess at combat and warfare. When he asks his mother who his father is, she tells him. Then she points out that it's probably a bad idea for Afrasyab, king of Turan, to find out - and also Rostam, come to that, because he'll probably want him to go to Zavolestan, breaking his mother's heart.

Sohrab thinks for a bit, and then decides that the best way to resolve this dilemma is is to raise an army, defeat Kay Kavus, put Rostam on the throne of Persia, come back and take out Afrasyab, and rule Turan himself.

Afrasyab finds out about the first part of the plan when Sohrab attacks Persia. Not knowing the latter parts, he approves, and sends additional forces. Kavus, on the other hand, hears that his kingdom is being invaded by a new hero, and sends for Rostam. Rostam gets drunk with the messenger and is a bit slow in arriving. Kavus picks a fight with him, Rostam heads home in a huff, and Kavus needs to lead the entire rest of his army to deal with Sohrab. Rostam has a change of heart on the road and heads to the front to investigate this new enemy hero. Kavus and Rostam are reconciled.

Meanwhile, Afrasyab's general, Human, starts to get nervous as he sees the size of the Persian force. Sohrab tells him not to worry, he'll take care of it. Sure enough, Sohrab is able to take on much of the army single-handedly. Eventually he challenges Kavus to single combat. Kavus sends out Rostam as his champion, because what are knights and heroes for?

Halfway through the fight, Sohrab realises who he's fighting, mostly because it's so unexpectedly difficult. He is delighted, and tries to strike up a conversation. Rostam, however, has no idea who he's fighting, and keeps it up. The fight goes on all day, and at dusk they decide to retire to their respective camps, with the intention of taking it up again in the morning.

The next day, Sohrab tries to engage Rostam in a conversation about lineage, but Rostam refuses to be drawn. They fight, and an angered Sohrab knocks Rostam to the ground. Rostam claims that the Persian custom is that it's unsporting to kill an opponent at the first fall. Sohrab, not wanting to kill Rostam anyway, retires to his camp, where he is mocked by his comrades for falling for 'that old trick'.

The next day, the fight begins again, and this time Rostam is victorious. He strikes Sohrab a mortal blow. As he lays dying, Sohrab finally gets a chance to explain his ancestry. He shows Rostam the token that he had left with Tahmineh. Rostam is heartbroken. With his last breath, Sohrab asks Rostam to be merciful to his troops. Said troops, deprived of their hero, sneak off while no-one is looking. Rostam ensures that Sohrab is buried with full honours, and then tries to end his own life. His comrades talk him down, and he heads home to Zavolestan, desolate.

Seyavash
Seyavash has an even harder life.

So one day a group of Kay Kavus' knights find a wandering princess, who has fled from her brutal father. They all fall in love with her, and start bickering over who should have her. In the end they decide to consult the king.

The king falls in love with her, and claims her for himself.

Long story short: there's Seyavash.

Rostam offers to raise him in the ways of the court, which Kavus agrees to. The boy grows up big and strong and wise, the son that Rostam never had (since he killed the son he did have). When Seyavash comes of age, he is presented at his father's court, and everyone is terribly impressed.

Especially Kavus' chief wife, Sudabeh.

Sudabeh tries to seduce Seyavash, and fails, because the boy has been raised by Rostam and is terribly honourable. Also, she's his stepmother. Piqued, Sudabeh tells Kavus that Seyavash had tried to force himself on her. She procures two dead demon babies, fakes labour, and presents them to Kavus as evidence of the wicked crime. Seyavash is forced to prove his innocence through trial by fire, though Sudabeh claims that Zal's magic saved him from the flames, not god. Seyavash suggests, wisely, that the best outcome is probably the one that doesn't involve anyone burning to death at all, and the matter rests.

At this point, Afrasyab decides to send an army to invade. At his request and on Rostam's advice, Kavus appoints Seyavash to defend the borders. Seyavash quickly routs the Turanians, secures the border, brokers a truce, takes hostages and secures an agreement with Afrasyab that he will never invade again. He's just that good.

Kavus tells him that's rubbish, and that Afrasyab really needs to be destroyed: Seyavash is to break the truce, kill the hostages, and march on Turan.

"Isn't that both incredibly stupid and totally dishonorable?"
"You just don't understand kingship like I do."

Rostam tries to convince Kavus of his folly, but the king refuses to see reason. Seyavash finds himself trapped. He can't break his word, and he can't disobey his king. Everyone is sympathetic. Especially the enemy.

The generals and princes of Turan, impressed with his honour and his divine kingly radiance, convince him to defect. Afrasyab takes him into his household, despite fears on all sides that Seyavash will usurp his own throne. Afrasyab takes the view that Kavus can't live forever, and it will do him no harm to have the next king of Persia as a friend and trusted ally.

Seyavash marries Afrasyab's daughter Farigis, befriends Afrasyab's advisor Piran, and eventually establishes his own kingdom. Seyavash is the picture of the wise prince, measured, just and honourable, renowned through all the world. He never once loses his divine kingly radiance. His capital, Seyavashgerd, becomes a glorious heaven-on-earth.

But Seyavash is fated to die young: Afrasyab's brother, Garsivaz, becomes jealous of his influence. He starts feeding the king rumours that Seyavash is gathering troops from Iran and China. Stoked by these whispers, Afrasyab's fears become too much for him, and he turns on his son-in-law. Seyavash, unprepared for this betrayal, is defeated in battle, and brutally murdered by Garsivaz. Seyavashgerd is laid waste.

Piran is able to save the pregnant Farigis from her father's and uncle's wrath, and she gives birth to Seyavash's son in secret. The boy is named Kay Khosrow, and is raised as a shepherd, far from Afrasyab's court.

When Rostam hears of Seyavash's death, he murders Sudabeh and lays waste to Turan. Kay Khosrow is brought back into Persia by another hero, Giv. In time Khosrow succeeds his grandfather as king - and all in all does rather better at it.

The Seyavash sequence is deeply moving: a just and wise prince, made cautious through self-doubt, brought down by the short, selfish horizons of lesser men. I cried.

Next: The End of the Heroic Age.

Sunday, 9 August 2015

The Book of Kings II: Sam, the son of Sam, and the son of the son of Sam

"But if... actually, nevermind."

Zal is seized by a longing for this amazing woman, and camps out near Kabol. Meanwhile, Rudabeh hears of Zal, and asks her handmaids about him. They say that he's absolutely awesome, except for his weird white hair. Rudabeh falls immediately in love, and recruits her handmaids to help arrange a marriage. The handmaids are initially shocked - did she not hear the bit about the weird white hair? - but Rudabeh pulls rank and sends them to invite Zal over.

Five handmaids sneak into Zal's camp, and tell him that Rudabeh wants to meet him, and that he'll need a rope. That night, Zal sneaks up to the palace. Rudabeh waves from the battlements and looses her impossibly long hair for Zal to climb. Zal points out that he has a rope, as instructed, and uses that to climb the walls instead.

"Seriously. Your handmaids said, bring a rope, so a brought a rope."

Zal and Rudabeh spend an enticing evening together, and Zal proposes. He also points out that neither Manuchehr nor Sam are going to te very happy about this. Rudabeh acknowledges that her father will also not be best pleased. Nevertheless, vows of eternal love are exchanged.

An aside on the Persian priesthood
I adore the Persian priesthood. They navigate a complicated path between the eternal truths of the heavenly spheres and the ambitions and desires of their earthly kings.

"So, guys, what do the stars think of this plan?"
"They... they think it's a really stupid plan."
"Do they say what happens to soothsayers who don't agree with their king?"
"The stars say that you are wiser than we are and probably know what you're doing."

Back to Zal
Zal gives his priests a rousing speech on the importance of marriage and children, and asks them to consult the heavens about whether he should marry the great-granddaughter of an infamous demon-king. The priesthood replies that he is wiser than they are and probably knows what he's doing. Zal accepts this advice and writes to his father.

Sam also seeks the advice of his own priests, who spend some time consulting the heavens looking for an acceptable answer. To everyone's surprise, the heavens think it's a great idea. Zal and Rudabeh will prosper, and their son will be the mightiest hero the son has ever seen.

Sam gives his consent and heads off to tell Manuchehr.

Meanwhile, Rudabeh's mother, Sindokht, gets wind of Rudabeh's illicit love affair. There is a confrontation, and Rudabeh spills all. Sindokht considers Zal a pretty decent son-in-law, so long as Manuchehr doesn't become angry and raze Kabol to the ground. She tells Mehrab that Zal has completely seduced Rudabeh. Mehrab goes into a rage, threatening to murder his daughter, but Sidokht points out that being allied to Sam isn't the worst thing in the world, assuming Manuchehr doesn't raze Kabol to the ground. Rudabeh begs her father to be allowed to marry Zal, but Mehrab refuses.

The news of the love affair arrives in Manuchehr's palace before Sam does. Manuchehr announces that Zahhak's house will not be allowed to join with Sam's, and that he will raise Kabol to the ground first. His priests offer up a preemptive "You are wiser than we are and probably know what you are doing."

When Sam arrives, Manuchehr asks him how the campaign to rid the world of Zahhak's offspring is going, and orders him to burn Kabol to the ground. Sam rides off with a resigned sigh.

When Zal hears about this, he heads heads humbly into the middle of Sam's camp. Zal asks Sam politely not to burn Kabol to the ground. He doesn't mess around, however: he plays the "you abandoned me as a child to be raised by a giant magical bird" card. Sam relents, and drafts a letter to Sam explaining that he doesn't want to burn Kabol to the ground and would rather his son marry Mehrab's daughter.

Mehrab, hearing of the approaching Persians, proposes to appease them by publicly murdering his wife and daughter. Sindokht proposes a better plan: she will go and beg mercy from Sam. This turns out to be a pretty decent plan, as Sam has already been convinced that he really wants her daughter to marry his son.

With no-one immediately threatening to burn Zabol to the ground, Zal is sent see Manuchehr with Sam's letter. Meanwhile, Manuchehr has decided to actually consult his priesthood, and they've given him the same prophecy as Sam got.

"Wait - you said that I was wiser than you are and probably know what I'm doing. That's what you say when it's a really stupid plan."
"The stars have no comment on that matter."

Instead, Manuchehr has Zal tested. The court sages pose some riddles and brain teasers. Zal, the most learned man in Persia, passes easily. The court warriors line up to challenge him. Zal defeats all comers. Manuchehr says that he will allow Zal to marry Rudebah and calls off the razing of Zabol.

Zal returns to Sam and calls off the army. Mehrab is so relieved that Zabol is not to be burned to the ground that he happily consents to his daughter's marriage. Zal and Rudebah are wed, and everyone is happy.

Rudebah is soon with child, but when the time comes to give birth she is struck by a terrible illness and begins to wither away. Zal is anxious until he remembers the Simorgh's gift. He burns a portion of a feather and the bird arrives. The Simorgh prescribes a detailed and technical medical regime involving a sorcerer, a glittering knife, a magic healing salve, and the feather. The surgery goes well and Rostam, greatest of all Persian heroes, is born. Everybody is absolutely taken with him, especially his grandfathers. Mehrab says that he and the boy will restore Zahhak's line to greatness, and everyone has a good laugh.

Interlude
Things change in Persia. Manuchehr dies and is succeeded by his son Nozar. The neighbouring nation of Turan, led by King Pashang, invades Persia. Nozar is killed by the Turanian prince Afrasyab, who briefly takes the throne of Persia until defeated by Zal. Zal places Zav, probably the rightful heir, on the Persian throne. Afrasyab kills his own brother, Aghiras, making himself the heir to the throne of Turan. King Zav holds the Persian border for many years but isn't able to do anything about the Turanians on his border, and when he dies, Afrasyab leads another attack...

Rostam's first battle
Zal is called upon to defend Persia, but he points out that he's getting pretty old and his son is actually a lot more awesome. However, no-one has a horse strong enough to carry him. Zal orders all of the horses in Zavolestan and Kabol to parade before Rostam. There comes by a foal as big as its mother. It doesn't have a brand, and Rostam asks whose he is. The herdsmen say that he's no-one's, because whenever someone tries to rope him, the mother attacks them viciously. Rostam tries to rope the young horse, and the mother attacks him viciously. However, he shouts at her and she runs away, terrified. Rostam asks how much the horse is, and a herdsman says that if he's going to defend Persia, that'll probably do, especially since no-one else can ride him.

The horse is named Rakhsh.

Zal and Rostam are now prepared to defend Persia, but don't actually have a king. Zal consults the priests, who tell him where to find Kay Qobad, a descendent of Feraydun. Kay Qobad leads the army into the field. Rostam rides straight for Afrasyab, and throws him to the ground. The Turanian forces break and are routed. Afrasyab tells his father that fighting Persia is actually really hard and has just got a lot harder, and Pashang sues for peace.

Next: Rostam, Kay Kavus and the Persian space program.

Saturday, 25 July 2015

The Book of Kings I: Persian Prince Parade

The Myth: Tales of Ancient Persia! Kings! Princes! Heroes! Demons! Giant birds! Battles! Conquest! Divine kingly radiance! The grandest sweep of history!
The Book: Shahnameh, the Persian Book of Kings
The Author: Abolqasem Ferdowski, some time in the tenth century.
This text: a 2006 translation by Dick Davis.
Price: This one cost me $29.99 from Dymocks, and it was money well spent. Seems to be pricier on the internet, though.

So the Shahnameh is enormous fun. It covers the grand scope of the Persian empire, from its mythical beginnings to its fall to Arab conquest. The kings and heroes are magnificent characters, well drawn and vivid. There are champions of justice, dodgy viziers, kings foolish and wise, beautiful princesses, terrible demons, shifty wizards and treacherous siblings. It covers the whole world, including distant China, exotic India, and glamorous Rome, all ruled from Iran in the centre of the world.

The translation is a prose one and abridged, but it's mellifluous and engaging. This is such a beautiful book, with rough cut pages and lovely illustrations throughout.

There are three main periods covered by the Shahnameh: the mythic era, where kings spoke thirty languages and rode demons as horses; the heroic era, where the mighty, invincible Rostam defends Persia from every threat, including his own king's foolishness; and the historic era, from the reign of Sekander through to the fall of the Empire.

To start: the Mythic Kings.

Kayumars
The first man to ever become king of the world - and to glow with divine kingly radiance, the mark of the wise Persian king - is Kayumars, who rules from the mountains and teaches his people how to prepare food and how to make clothes out of leopard skins.

Kayumar's son, Siamak, is killed by the Black Demon, son of the Arch-demon Ahriman. Kayumars joins forces with his grandson Hushang on a mission of vengeance, with an army of fairies, leopards, wolves, tigers, birds, and domestic animals. Hushang defeats the Black Demon, and Kayumars fades from the world, leaving Hushang king.

Hushang
Hushang's reign is marked by the discovery of fire (he throws a piece of flint at a dragon, and it sparks as it bounces off) and, shortly afterwards, blacksmithing. He also invents irrigation and agriculture, and separates the beasts into domestic animals for farming and wild animals for hunting.

Hushang is a tireless, industrious king, but he eventually leaves the world.

Tahmures, the Binder of Demons
Hushang's son is Tahmures, known as the Binder of Demons. Tahmures teaches people how to shear sheep and weave wool, and how to train cheetahs for hunting, and how to breed chickens and hawks.

Tahmures is kept on the straight and narrow by his vizier, Shahrasb, who provides wise and careful advice. Because of this, Tahmures is purified of all evil and is able to bind Ahriman with spells, and ride him as a mount to tour the world. This makes all the other demons nervous, and they plot to overthrow him. They gather in a large army, led by the black demon - possibly the Black Demon, last seen being bifurcated by Hushang. Tahmures gets wind of this and is able to ambush them. He single-handedly defeats the entire army, subduing two-thirds with spells and a third with his huge mace. The demons beg for mercy, offering all their secrets. They teach him how to write - in thirty scripts - and he becomes suffused with knowledge, glowing like the sun.

He passes on this knowledge, and eventually leaves the world.

Jamshid
Tahmures is mourned greatly, but his son Jamshid has learned well and is a just and wise king. Jamshid spends fifty years inventing ways to make weapons and armour, and teaching his warriors. Then he spends another fifty developing the textile trade - spinning and weaving, dyeing and sewing. After that, another fifty years arranging his society, separating out the priests and the warriors and the farmers and the tradesmen, and teaching them their roles. Then he orders demons to build him public baths and a castle, and then spends another fifty years developing mining and gemcraft, perfumery, medicine and shipbuilding, revealing his secrets to his people as he goes.

In the end, Jamshid rules for three hundred glorious years, with no death or evil, and with everyone having their own personal demon-slave. But in the end he grows vain and arrogant, and loses his divine kingly radiance.

Zahhak the Demon King
While this is going on, the king of the Arabs, Merdas, has just sired a son, Zahhak. Merdas is pretty just and honest as Arabs go - he's no Persian, but he's not a bad guy. Zahhak, on the other hand, is ambitious and evil. The demon Eblis persuades him to murder his father and take his throne.

In secret, Eblis signs on as Zahhak's cook. Kuyamars taught people how to eat, but eating meat is not really a thing yet, so the menu of chicken and lamb kebabs, and veal cooked with saffron, rosewater, wine and musk, is pretty damn impressive. Zahhak offers him anything his heart desires. Eblis says he really just wants to nuzzle Zahhak's kingly shoulders.

Sure, says Zahhak, that's not at all weird.

Where Eblis's icky secretions touch each of Zahhak's shoulders, a snake erupts, and then Eblis vanishes. Zahhak spends a couple of years tormented by poisonous snakes biting him from his shoulders. Then Eblis turns up disguised as a wise man and convinces Zahhak that to pacify the snakes he needs to feed them a human brain every day. This seems to work regarding the snakes, but is less than effective in not ushering in a thousand year reign of terror.

Jamshid has lost his heavenly mandate at this stage and no longer glows with divine kingly radiance. Zahhak defeats him and moves in. He takes Jamshid's two sisters as concubines and advisors, and the aforementioned millennial reign begins.

Nine-hundred and some years later, Zahhak starts getting dreams of Feraydun the Persian, who is going to end his reign. The wise men of the court are extremely reluctant to tell their demon king that his time is up, but in the end they point out that everyone's reign ends someday, and that Feraydun - when he's born - will be motivated by the death of his father at Zahhak's hands, and also the death of the magical cow that raised him.

So Zahhak tries really hard not to kill any descendants of Persian kings and/or magic cows, and fails on both counts. The prophecy is fulfilled. Feraydun raises an army in India and invades while Zahhak is out of the palace. He takes the demon king's concubines as his queens, because they are thousand-year-old sorceresses and also beautiful and also he may not actually know they're his great-great-great-etc. aunts.

Zahhak's people turn against him and his army is defeated. Finally, he sneaks alone into the palace to murder his treacherous concubines, but is captured and imprisoned. Feraydun intends to murder him, but is advised by the angel Sorush to show mercy. Zahhak is therefore bound in chains in a cave for all eternity, with nails piercing his vital organs and his blood spilling on the floor.

Feraydun
Feraydun rules for five hundred years, guided by his ageless sorceress aunt/wives, 'and not a day was given over to evil.' He is well loved by his people, and not just because he isn't feeding their brains to his shoulders. His reign is mostly defined by his relationship with his three sons, Salm, Tur and Iraj. After observing his boys, he puts Salm in charge of the Western parts of the world, Tur in charge of China and the land of the Turks, and Iraj, the youngest, in charge of Iran, which is the important bit in the middle. Salm and Tur resent this. They murder Iraj and send his head to his father as a way of demonstrating how put out they are.

Iraj left his wife pregnant, and she gives birth to a daughter. Feraydun takes back the throne and raises Iraj's daughter, and then her son, who is called Manuchehr. (The daughter is not named, but the poet notes that she resembles her father closely.)

Salm and Tur hear of the birth of Manuchehr and are worried that he might take vengeance for the murder of his grandfather. They send an envoy to Feraydun laden with gifts, and offer to swear fealty to the boy. Feraydun suspects a ruse, and scornfully refuses. He tells the envoy that they are entirely correct: Manuchehr will indeed be coming in force to exact vengeance. The two evil brothers gather the entire forces of China and the West, and march on Persia in the hopes of getting in first. Manuchehr's forces smash through Tur's army and kill him, then after a series of battles Salm is also cornered and killed.

Feraydun places Manuchehr on the throne of Persia, and leaves the world.

Manuchehr rules well and wisely, but what's more interesting is what happens to the son of his vassal, Sam.

Next: The coming of Rostam.

Sunday, 12 July 2015

The Voyage of the Argo II: ...and Back Again

The Myth: The Argo! Jason! Heracles! Heroes! Gods! Goddesses! Monsters! Sorceresses! Dragons! Rocks! Sea travel! Countless screaming Argonauts!
The Book: The Argonautica
The Author: Apollonius of Rhodes (some time in the 3rd century BCE)
This text: An etext of an 1912 prose translation by R. C. Seaton, R. C. My version is the Charles Rivers Editors version.
Price: This one cost me 81 cents from Amazon, but there are free versions available.

(Previously...)

Book III: Still There.
The Argonauts arrive in Colchis, completely unobserved - except by the goddesses Hera and Athena. Hera asks Athena what her plan is.

Athena, goddess of wisdom, says, "Dunno. I thought we'd wing it."

Hera scoffs and says that she has a plan: romance. They head back to Olympus to enlist Cypris, goddess of love and sarcasm - or, more particularly, her son.

"Hera. Athena. To what do I owe this overwhelming pleasure? I am so rarely visited by such powerful goddesses."
"Cut the crap, Cypris, we need your kid."
"It would be my greatest honour to humbly serve the great Queen of the Gods."
"I said cut the crap. Go get Eros."

Cypris has some difficulty with this, because Eros is a little shit-

"That's because you're a crap mother."
"Fuck off, Hera. My real mum is way prettier than you."

-and needs to be bribed with a shiny thing. Cypris finds him cheating at dice with Ganymedes, and produces the shiniest thing there is: a golden sparkly ball that Zeus played with as a child. Eros accepts this commission, and heads off to Colchis to shoot Aeetes' daughter, Medea.

Meanwhile, Jason explains his plan to the Argonauts:

"I'll go into the city and ask Aeetes if he'll give the fleece to me."
"That's brilliant! But what if it doesn't work?"
"We'll wing it."

So Jason heads off to the city with his cousins, the sons of Phrixus. Here he meets his cousins' mother, Chalciope, and her much younger sister, Medea. Medea doesn't normally spend a lot of time in the city, preferring to do dark magic at the Temple of Hecate. However, she's here in time to be shot by Eros, and to fall utterly in love with Jason. Aeetes hears the commotion and asks what's going on, and why his grandsons have come back so early. Other Argus explains that their ship sank, and they were rescued by their Greek cousin on their father's side, who has an awesome ship.

Aeetes assumes that a shipful of heavily armed godlings can only be after his throne. He sets Jason a test: he's to harness the two fire-breathing bulls of bronze, use them to plough the field of Ares, sow the field with dragon's teeth, and kill all the armed men that grow from them. Aeetes does this all the time, and he won't give the fleece to someone who won't.

This all sounds a bit too hard and complicated for Jason, so he goes off for a sulk. He explains the trial to the Argonauts, and sighs and says that it's impossible. The typical Argonaut response to this is, "Pfff. No it's not. I'll do it."

Other Argus chimes in at this point and says that, no, actually, Jason has to do this himself. He goes on to explain that he has a brilliant and not at all totally wussy plan: he'll ask his Aunt Medea to use magic to cheat. This plan is met with general Argonaut approval, with one or two dissenters.

It turns out that Chalciope is way ahead of him, on the grounds that if anything happens to Jason her sons will probably be the next to face Aeetes' wrath. She heads to Medea's chambers herself.

Medea is a bit of a mess at this point: she's having terrifying/exciting dreams about being dragged away from Colchis by Jason, which he can't do if he's dead. Although, since she's a terrifying black sorceress, it's more that he can't do it as easily if he's dead. But Medea is completely lovelorn and is not thinking clearly. She comes upon Chalciope and Other Argus arguing about the best way to win her over. She asks them what's up and they tell her: we need some black magic to save Jason.

Ok, says Medea. Go away now.

"That was easier than I expected."

Medea, despite being unwilling to betray her father, spends the night conjuring dark sorceries and preparing a magic ointment for Jason, and heads off to the Temple of Hecate to finish off the ritual. She sends her handmaidens to secretly send Jason there, but she needn't have bothered since her nephews are spying on her, and also Hera's crows have a message for Mopsus, Jason's seer.

Jason and Medea meet for the first time in the doom-shrouded Temple of Hecate. Medea gives him the ointment and a spell for his weapons, and they flirt shamelessly until dawn. Medea asks what Iolcus is like, and Jason says that she'll love it.

Jason heads back to his comrades and enacts the rituals Medea has given him, making his weapons irresistable and his skin invulnerable.

Aeetes releases the bulls. Jason is able to resist their onslaught thanks to Medea's magic, and binds them to the yoke. He spends much of the day ploughing the field. He sows Aeetes' dragon's teeth and stops for a drink, then releases the bulls. The Earthborn men start sprouting, and Jason spends the late afternoon and early evening chopping them up.

Aeetes is not pleased.

Book IV: ...and Back Again.
Aeetes, far from honouring his bargain, aims to take vengeance on Jason, and also on his treacherous daughters, and also on his presumably treacherous grandsons. Medea, not unwisely, flees.

In the Temple of Hecate, she prays for guidance. Hecate's guidance is not comforting.

"Honestly, kid, you did a stupid thing for stupid reasons. Some other god was messing with you. Suck it up: the only way is forward."

She heads to the Argo, where she finds her nephews, and Jason. She pleas to be taken with them back to Hellas. Jason agrees, saying that he will marry her when they get home. She leads Jason to the temple where the golden fleece rests, and sings the dragon guarding it to sleep. They return to the ship with the sheep.

Aeetes learns of this and gives chase. Unfortunately, he gives chase in a chariot. That doesn't work very well, so he sends out his fleet instead. (To be fair, his horses are pretty awesome.)

Medea makes the ship stop so that she can offer a secret sacrifice to Hecate. The poet once again says that he's not allowed to say what the sacrifice was, but says that the altar still stands today. This may no longer be the case, since "today" was more than two thousand years ago.

At a loss for a direction, Original Argus suggests that they head to Orchomenus, which was where Phineus the Seer told them they'd go. This suits Other Argus, because that's where he and his brothers were originally heading.

The Colchians, led by Aeetes son Apsyrtus, manage to outmaneuvre the Argo and corner them on an island. They let Jason know that he can keep the fleece - he did both win and successfully steal it - but Medea has to come back until her father says she can go. Jason considers this for exactly as long as it takes for Medea to find out about it. Jason is swayed by her tender feelings, and also her vicious curses and her threats to burn the ship to the waterline.

Jason points out that the only other option is to trick and kill her brother.

"Why the hell was that not Plan A?"
"Well, he's your-"
"Just get on with it. No, let me do it. You'll only screw it up."

Medea sends to Apsyrtus that she is willing to surrender herself, having, she says, been taken by force by the sons of Phrixus. She takes many of Jason's treasures to distract him. Apsyrtus, trusting his sister, goes alone to the rendezvous, and Jason leaps out and thwacks him, mortally.

At this point we learn that the Greeks had a ritual to atone for a treacherous murder, which is to cut off the extremities of the dead man, thrice lick up the blood and thrice spit it out.

The Argo sidles up to Apsyrtus' ship and the Greek heroes massacre the Colchians. The crew collects Jason and Medea, and they sail off. The Colchians, incensed at the murder of their commander, start to pursue, but Hera scares them off with a lightning show.

Zeus is similarly incensed, pronouncing the crew of the Argo cursed until they can be cleansed of their evil deeds. However, since no-one tells them, they blithely continue on their journey.

The curse doesn't actually last very long. After sailing around for a bit they come to the island of Circe, the sorceress sister of Aeetes. Circe recognises her niece, and notices Zeus' curse on Jason. She performs a cleansing ritual. Medea explains what's going on, leaving out the bit about getting her brother murdered. Circe twigs anyway. She tells her niece that she's being a complete idiot, but frightening black sorceresses have to stick together and she's not going to kill her with death magic. She lets them go, with a parting shot that this is not to say that she approves, young lady.

By now Hera has realised that the Argo's current course will take them past the sea monster Charybdis and the rock Scylla, and so she organises a posse of gods to still the monster and steer the ship past the rock. Before the ship gets there they are serenaded by sirens, whose song is irresistable. The quick-thinking Orpheus pulls out his harp, and twangs loudly until the ship is safe. They lose only a single Argonaut: Butes, who leaps overboard but is saved by Cypris and taken away to a heavenly mountain.

Held by the sea goddess Thetis, the Argo is guided safely past Charybdis and past several gods, to arrive at the island Drepane, ruled by Alcinous and his wife Arete. Here they are met by a party of angry Colchians, who demand that Medea be handed over to them. Medea begs Arete not to let her go. Alcinous is keen to resolve the matter without bloodshed, and comes up with a solution: if Medea is still a virgin then she shall go back to her father, but if she's married she should go with her husband.

Alcinous then goes off to bed, and Arete sneaks out to tell Jason what the verdict will be. He tells the Argonauts, who arrange an impromptu wedding ceremony.

Next morning, Alcinous passes his sentence. Good thing we just got married, says Jason. The Colchians weigh up the prospect of returning to Aeetes without Medea, and decide to stay with Alcinous.

The Argo once again sets sail, and is promptly caught in a storm that blows them off course for nine days, to the coast of Libya. They find themselves caught in a flood tide and beached on a barren shore. They leave the ship and wander off along the beach. Eventually, they collapse into an exhausted sleep.

Jason is wakened at noon the next day by a party of nymphs, who take pity on him and on Medea. By means of a cryptic prophecy, the nymphs advise the Argonauts to carry the ship across land until they find the Tritonian Lake. Here they find a mostly dead serpent and some apple trees with no fruit. The local spirits tell them that some lout has come through and killed the guardian and stolen the golden apples. The Argonauts recognise Heracles from the description, but he is no longer around.

Two more Argonauts are lost in Libya: Canthus is killed by a shepherd defending his flock (the Argonauts kill the shepherd and take the sheep) and Mopsus is bitten by a poisonous snake.

The Argo sets sail on the lake, but they soon realise that this doesn't help them. They pray to the gods, and Triton turns up. He gives them a lump of dirt and shows them how to get back to the Mediterranean through the lake's marshy entrance.

Nearly home, the Argo sails by Crete, which is guarded by Talos, the man of bronze, so that the ship can't approach. Leave this to me, says Medea, and zots him with death magic from the open sea.

"...you can do that?"
"Yes."

In the last stretch the clod of earth that Triton presented turns out to be his daughter, who seduces Euphemus and then becomes an island.

And then the story ends abruptly: "No more adventures, you're home!"

I'll just assume that Jason and Medea lived happily ever after...

--

I feel like I haven't done Medea a lot of justice in this summary. She's an incredibly vivid character - a precise, mathematical split between lovelorn teenager and terrifying dark sorceress. There are long passages sumptuously describing her magic rituals, and long passages detailing her lovesick torment. As she and Jason flee Colchis, she reminisces about the place where she used to gather corpse parts for her spells. But it's only when Jason is thinking of handing her back to her brother that he realises just how terrifying she can be...

Thursday, 25 June 2015

The Voyage of the Argo I: There...

The Myth: The Argo! Jason! Heracles! Heroes! Gods! Goddesses! Monsters! Sorceresses! Dragons! Rocks! Sea travel! Countless screaming Argonauts!
The Book: The Argonautica
The Author: Apollonius of Rhodes (some time in the 3rd century BCE)
This text: An etext of an 1912 prose translation by R. C. Seaton, R. C. My version is the Charles Rivers Editors version.
Price: This one cost me 81 cents from Amazon, but there are free versions available.

I knew when I started this project I would end up in Greece at some point.

Book I: From Here to Halfway There
King Pelias has heard a prophecy: that he will be killed by a man with one sandal. Shortly afterwards, Jason loses his shoe in the mud while crossing a river. Pelias deals with this by sending Jason on a suicide mission to the other side of the world.

In a mighty warship, the Argo...

...made by Argus, a - no, the - master shipwright...

...guided by Athena, goddess of wisdom...

...blessed by Hera, queen of the gods...

...crewed by several dozen of the Mediterranean's greatest heroes and demigods...

...including Heracles, taking time off from his labours.

'Now that I think about it, this plan may have some flaws.'
'At least they don't have Theseus, sire.'
'Yeah. It would be much easier if they had Theseus.'
'...marginally easier, sire.'

The mission is to recover the golden fleece from Colchis, ruled by King Aeetes. Easy.

The ship's first stop is Lemnos, where they are greeted by Queen Hypsipyle, who offers them the hospitality of the island. The crew is shown an awful lot of hospitality, as they're the first men the women of the island have seen in some time. This is because the women killed all of the Lemnian menfolk themselves. Jason enjoys the Queen's hospitality personally while Heracles waits on the ship, grumbling about the loose morals of adventurers these days.

Hypsipyle, conscious that the younger women on the island are getting rather restless, and that there's not a lot of little Lemnians any more, invites the crew of the Argo to settle. Jason hedges - last night was fun, but there's this quest thing, no guarantee we're coming back, let's not make this into a big thing, there's family in Iolcus...

Hypsipyle and her elders sigh.

'I'm starting to remember why we killed our menfolk.'

Still, the crew hangs around for a while longer, until Heracles' grumbling gets too much for them and they head off. Jason asks Hypsipyle to send any chance offspring to Iolcus to be his heir, and offers a fond farewell.

'Wait, you did what to your menfolk?'

The Argo stops next at the island of Electra, daughter of Atlas, for some secret sailor rites. However these rites are too secret for the poet to actually relate, and before long they find themselves at the island known as the Mount of Bears. Here there is a small city-state ruled by Cyzicus, which is beset all sides by six-armed giants called the Earthborn.

Cyzicus has received a prophecy: if a ship full of heavily armed godlings turns up, don't piss them off or you will die.

Cyzicus is very friendly to the ship full of heavily armed godlings.

Jason and crew are treated to a lovely time in the palace, trading life stories and suchlike, while Heracles and some of the junior heroes fight off an invasion of Earthborn. Eventually, the two parties finish what they're doing, meet up and sail off.

Into a massive storm.

The Argo is buffeted and turned around, and eventually makes landfall somewhere dark. This is Cyzicus' kingdom again, but they don't know it. Cyzicus, no longer on the lookout for a ship full of heavily armed godlings, mistakes them for invaders and attacks.

It doesn't go well for Cyzicus. Or his people. Or his kingdom.

The embarrassed Argonauts find themselves trapped in the kingdom they've just destroyed, on account of many days of storms. A local shepherd has a prophetic dream, and Jason is able to beseech the right gods and the Argo is off again.

The Argonauts then get into a bit of a chest-beating competition about who can row the hardest. Heracles wins for a long while, but then his oar breaks. When they next make landfall, Heracles goes off into the forest to find a new one, which he does by uprooting trees. While he's doing this, his sidekick Hylas is kidnapped by nymphs and trapped in a spring. The hero Polyphemus hears his - presumably - anguished cries, and tells Heracles. Heracles heads off in pursuit, shouting loudly.

Meanwhile, the pilot Tiphys notices a change in the wind, and urges everyone aboard. The ship flies off across the waves - until someone notices that Heracles, Polyphemus and Hylas are not aboard. There is strife among the crew, with Jason sulking and Telamon threatening to throw Tiphys overboard, until the sea god Glaucus puts his giant arm over the side of the boat and explains that Heracles is needed in another myth cycle and Polyphemus has to found a city.

Telamon apologises to Jason and Tiphys, and the Argonauts shrug and sail on.

Book II: There
The Argo lands in the lands of Amycus, king of the Bebrycians. Amycus demands that their bravest warrior meet him in a fist fight. Polydeuces volunteers for the Argo. Polydeuces wins, a little too vigorously: he breaks Amycus' skull and kills him. The Bebrycians attack the Argonauts in fury, but are driven off. The Argonauts complain that if Heracles had have been here, Amycus wouldn't have been stupid enough to do the fist fight thing in the first place.

At their next stop, the Argonauts meet Phineus. Phineus has a problem: he was granted the gift of prophecy, and told people what he actually saw rather than what Zeus wanted them to know. Because of this, Zeus has blinded him and made sure he is plagued with harpies, who steal his food and shit on what's left.

'You guys want to stay for dinner?'
'...not really.'

However, because of his unerring gift of prophecy, Phineus knows that the arrival of a ship full of heavily armed godlings will mean that he gets to eat properly again, so he's come down to meet them. He explains the thing with the harpies, and asks politely for help. Two Argonauts - brothers Zetes and Calais - ask if they'll get in trouble for messing with this perfectly lawful cursing. Phineus swears by his gift that they won't.

Phineus sits down to eat and the harpies attack. Zetes and Calais hold them off long enough for him to enjoy his meal. However, it turns out that harpies are right buggers to actually kill, and they don't manage it. The goddess Iris turns up and explains that hurting the harpies is against Olympian environmental regulations, but calls off the harpies and says that this harpy harassment won't happen again.

The rest of the crew clean Phineus up, and he explains how to get through the clashing Cyanean rocks. He explains that he can't tell them everything - that was the sort of thing that got him in trouble with Zeus - but gives them pretty good directions to Colchis and tells them to stop at a certain temple of Ares for 'unspeakable help'. Phineus then settles himself back in as local prophet, and sends them on their way.

Following Phineus' advice, and with a bit of help from Athena, the Argo sails through the Cyanean rocks without being completely crushed, and continues its journey.

Next they are met by Lycus, king of the Mariandyni, who are the hereditary enemies of the Bebrycians and are therefore very pleased to meet Polydeuces. In Lycus' land they lose two Argonauts in quick succession: the prophet Idmon, to a boar, and the pilot Tiphys, to illness.

'Yeah. Saw that coming.'

The heroes are a bit lost - adrift, even - until Ancaeus volunteers for ship-steering duty. Under Ancaeus' hand they sail past wondrous and mystic and historic and terrifying lands, until they come to the island of Ares. Here they devise a bronze rattle to scare off the sharp and stabby birds - just like Heracles did, and presumably told them about - and go ashore.

Here they meet the 'unspeakable help' that Phineus promised: the four sons of Phrixus, lately of Colchis. These are kinsmen of Jason's, sharing a great-grandfather. They introduce themselves as Cytissorus, Phrontis, Melas and Argus (hereafter, Other Argus). They were sailing out, they say, to take hold of the land of Athamas, but were shipwrecked. Jason invites them aboard the Argo - there are some crew vacancies - and explains the mission. The brothers are a little horrified, and explain that Aeetes isn't just going to give up the golden fleece. Other Argus explains that there's also a dragon.

The Argo continues on its voyage - past the mountain where Prometheus is bound and screaming - and Other Argus guides them to Colchis. Here, they stash the ship in a secluded backwater, and withdraw to plan their next move...

Next: Back again.

Friday, 12 June 2015

Romancin' Roland III: The Battle for France

The Myth: Legends of Charlemagne! Knights! Shining Armour! Magic swords! Magic horses! Quests, romance, adventure, monsters, violence, irresponsible magic, and a magnificent lack of self-control!
The Book: Orlando Innamorato
The Author: Matteo Maria Boiardo (1494).
This text: An etext of an 1823 prose translation by William Stewart Rose. This edition is from the University of Adelaide - Project Gutenberg has the same text, but the formatting is better here. It's worth noting that much the same material is covered in Thomas Bulfinch's Age of Chivalry.
Price: Nothin'.

So where were we?

Right: Angelica has sent Orlando off to destroy the garden of the enchantress Falerina.

The Strange Case of the Damsel of the Hair
The first people Orlando meets on his new quest are Uldano, who is standing guard over a woman tied to a tree by her hair, and Origilla, a woman tied to a tree by her hair. Uldano explains: He used to be in love with Origilla, as did a lad named Lucrino. Origilla persuaded Uldano to disguise himself as Oringo, who had killed her brother, Corbino. Then she persuaded Lucrino to try to kill Oringo, who had killed her brother, Corbino. Meanwhile, her father had offered her hand to Ariantes, on the condition that he kill Oringo, who had killed her brother, Corbino. Ariantes attacked Uldano, thinking he was Oringo, and Lucrino attacked Oringo, thinking he was Uldano disguised as Oringo. Everyone was badly wounded, but Lucrino made it to Origilla's father, who thought that he was Ariantes, and promised him Origilla. Everyone was very upset. The King sentenced everyone to death: Oringo killing Orbino, Ariantes for agreeing to kill Oringo, Uldano and Lucrino for pretending to be other people, and Origilla on general principles.

Origilla was to be hung by her hair until she was dead, and the knights were to guard her until she died. It is now Uldano's watch, and he points to the arms of eight knights he's already prevented from rescuing her.

Origilla says, 'Nah, it's all bullshit,' which is enough for our lad and he attacks Uldano, and wins. Origilla points him to a nearby stairway, tells him he can see Heaven and Hell from the top of it, and then nicks his horse when he goes to look.

Orlando swears, and heads off on foot.

Meanwhile, elsewhere...
Agramant in Africa is plotting the invasion of France. His advisor Sobrino tells him it's a bust, unless he gets hold of his cousin, Rogero, currently held prisoner by the sorceror Atlantes.

Outside Albracca, Rinaldo abandons Marphisa's siege to pursue Orlando, taking Astolpho, Iroldo and Prasildo with him. They promptly find a brute who is menacing women. The brute throws Iroldo and Prasildo into a river. He tries the same with Rinaldo, but it doesn't quite work and they both fall in, leaving Astolpho on Bayardo with two distressed maidens.

Inside Albracca, Brandimart decides to head off after Orlando, as do his friends Gryphon and Aquilant. These last two meet Origilla who tells them Orlando is dead, then both knights and the damsel of them are kidnapped by forces unknown and taken off for execution.

Just as she's noting that she's defeated almost all of Angelica's defenders, Marphisa is attacked by Sacripant, king of Circassia, but the battle is interupted by news that Circassia has been invaded by Mandricardo, son of the late Agrican.

Rodomont, one of Agramant's vassals, decides to invade France even if no-one else is doing it.

Agramant is assured that Rogero can be rescued only if someone has a ring of magic resistance and also invisibility, like Angelica's. The dwarf Brunello is dispatched to acquire said ring.

The Sword and the Sorceress
The plot threads come together again as Orlando rescues Gryphon, Aquilant and Origilla from captivity. Orlando finds Origilla strangely beguiling, especially for a woman who nicked his horse, but so does Gryphon, so Orlando sends the others away so he can get some wooing in. However, he is interrupted by yet another damsel, who tells Orlando that he is near the garden he's been sent to destroy, and must remain chaste for three days unless he wants to be eaten by a dragon. She knows this because she's read about it in a book she happens to have on her. Even better: Falerina is currently in the garden making a magic sword that will cut through anything. The damsel hands over the book and heads off. Orlando goes to sleep, anticipating adventures on the morrow, and Origilla
pinches his sword and his horse and pisses off.

Next morning, Orlando swears some more and grabs a tree branch to serve as a weapon. He takes out quite a bit of his anger on the dragon guarding the garden's gate, and finds himself trapped in said magic garden as the gate disappears behind him. He finds Falerina just as she's finishing the sword, and takes it off her. He demands she tell him how to (a) escape and (b) destroy the garden, but she refuses, and he ties her to a tree. Then he remembers he has a magic book, and follows its instructions leading him to: fill his ears with roses, kill a siren, cover himself in her blood, remove the roses from his ears, kill a magic bull with horns of iron and fire, follow a river, get shat on by a harpy, kill a harpy, kill a magic ass, kill a faun, kill a giant, kill two more giants that erupt from the flaming blood of the first giant, and consult the god-damn book again.

This tells him that to actually destroy the garden he needs the branch off a certain tree. He heads back past Falerina and finds the tree, which he chops down. The garden disappears, and all that is left is Falerina tied to a tree. Falerina complains that she only ever built magic gardens to annoy Ariantes and Origilla, and anyway one of them was destroyed by a shifty princess, and anyway there's an enchanted bridge left that is full of prisoners who'll die if she does. Take me there and we'll do some rescuing, says Orlando.

A Short-Statured Burglar Steals a Magic Ring
Meanwhile, Brunello arrives at Albracca and steals Marphisa's sword, Sacripant's horse and Angelica's ring, and shoots off back to Africa. Angelica is just starting to freak out when an army of Turks arrives. She decides to contact her cousin Gradasso, last seen invading Europe, and sends Sacripant with the message.

Back in France...
...the treacherous knight Ganelon invites Marsilius, king of Spain, into France, just as Rodomont is invading. Dun dun dun...!

The Bridges of Cathay and India
On their way to Falerina's bridge, Orlando and Falerina arrive at the bridge that Rinaldo fell off. Turns out this was left here by Morgana, who gave some guy invincible strength and invulnerable armour and the ability to breath indefinitely under water for the express purpose of harassing knights. Falerina explains that the modus operandi here is to throw knights into the lake, or, failing that, to grapple them and jump into the lake, and then display their arms as a trophy.

At this point, Orlando spots Rinaldo's arms. Now, Orlando and Rinaldo have been fighting quite a bit, but they are friends and kinsmen. Orlando is a little bit upset and charges into battle. The brute grabs Orlando and jumps into the lake.

The lake is not quite as Orlando expected: instead of a cold and suffocating watery embrace, he finds himself in a wide field in a mystic otherworld. He also has a serious magic sword, which no-one else has had before. Orlando kills Morgana's invincible brute, and wanders off through a surreal and allegorical landscape.

Eventually he finds Morgana, who has Rinaldo and the others imprisoned in a crystal. He captures Morgana by the forelock and demands their release; Morgana requests only that they leave her favourite, a youth named Ziliantes, son of King Monodontes. Orlando shrugs and agrees. The rest of the knights are disgorged. One of them, Dudon, explains to Orlando and Rinaldo that he has been sent by Charlemagne to ask them very nicely to stop fucking around in India and to go home and defend Christendom. They agree to do so.

Except for Orlando and Brandimart, who head back towards Angelica.

The westward-bound party travels for some days until they come across an enchanted ferry, which they take. On the other side they are accosted by an old man, who tells them they trespass upon the territory of King Monodontes, and will not be allowed to depart unless they perform a service, to whit: killing an enemy of the king's. This is Balisardo, a giant and an enchanter. The knights agree on general principles. But it turns out that giants that use magic are much trickier than giants who don't use magic, and they are each defeated and imprisoned.

The dungeons are already chock full of knights - including Astolpho, who sadly tells them that Rinaldo is dead. Rinaldo points out that he is not, which Astolpho finds comforting.

Heading back to Albracca, Orlando and Brandimart meet Brunello - who steals Orlando's horn and sword - and Marphisa - who continues to pursue Brunello. Unable to join in since they don't have horses, they continue on their way until they come across a magic ferry, which they take. Aboard the ferry, they meet again Origilla, who has Orlando's sword and horse. Orlando once again falls in love with her.

On the other side Orlando - possibly weakened in the allegoricals by inappropriate lust - is defeated by Balisardo and put in a prison ship bound for the dungeons, but Brandimart is able to defeat the giant-wizard and rescue him. They learn from the that Monodontes, although terribly terribly rich, is terribly terribly sad: his two sons were taken at a young age, one by a slave named Bardino, the other by a fairy named Morgana. It turns out that Balisardo was in league with Monodontes: Morgana has offered to surrender her prisoner in exchange for one Orlando, who has messed with her.

This Orlando sounds like a bit of a menace, says Orlando. Take us to Monodontes that we may pledge to deliver up this varlet. Origilla, however, is minded to save Gryphon, and secretly tells Monodontes that Orlando is currently on the island. Gryphon insists that Aquilant also be released, and they depart. Orlando and Brandimart are drugged and imprisoned.

Orlando takes the opportunity of imprisonment to convert Brandimart to Christianity. When Monodontes comes down into the dungeon, Brandimart pretends to be Orlando. The king explains that he's only handing 'Orlando' over to Morgana to get his son back. Brandimart proposes that, if that's all he wants, he could send his companion to rescue the kid. And if that doesn't work he can always send 'Orlando' over to the fairy as per the original plan.

The king agrees, and the real Orlando sets off to rescue Ziliantes. Then Astolpho says, 'Oh, hey, Brandimart!' and Brandimart is thrown back into the dungeon.

Orlando heads back to Morgana's bridge, to find the fairy cradling a dead dragon. Also, a bit randomly, Flordelis, with a sergeant. Morgana explains that she turned Ziliantes into a dragon to take the place of her brute, only the magic went wonky and he died. She takes the dead dragon into the lake in the hope that she might be able to resurrect him in the otherworld. Flordelis explains that she was looking for Brandimart, and found this guy: Bardino. Bardino admits that he kidnapped the son of King Monodontes for unspecified reasons and sold him to the Lord of the Sylvan Tower. Said Lord raised Brandimart as his own child, and made Bardino his castellan. While the Lord was out hunting, the castle came under attack by a knight called Rupardo, so Bardino casts lots to lead him to Brandimart. The lots told him that he was held captive by Morgana.

Old news, says Orlando, Brandimart is being held captive by Monodontes and I need to rescue Ziliantes to get him released, which could be complicated now that Ziliantes is (a) a dragon and (b) dead. But Flordelis eggs him on and Orlando descends into the lake and finds Morgana caressing the recently revived and absolutely terrified Ziliantes. Orlando again grabs her by the forelock and forces her to release her hold on her captive.

Orlando returns Ziliantes to Monodontes and explains everything. Monodonte is so happy he converts to Christianity on the spot, and forgives Bardino his reckless baby stealing. Everyone celebrates until Dudon glances meaningfully at his timepiece, and everyone sets off for Europe.

Except for Orlando and Brandimart, who head back towards Angelica.

Rinaldo's party arrives in Europe. Just over the border, the fairy Alcina - Morgana's sister - falls for Astolpho's irresistible beauty and seduces him onto a whale. Rinaldo joins forces with some armies that were heading in that direction, and confronts Rodomont. Rodomont and Rinaldo fight. The greater battle hangs in the balance: Dudon is captured, Rinaldo loses his horse, Charlemagne arrives with a relief force, and Rodomont flees.

Rodomont decides, however, that he wishes to continue the duel, and looks for Rinaldo in the Forest of Arden. Instead he finds Ferrau, who's been here since early in Book 1, and they start talking about ladies. It turns out that Rodomont is dating Ferrau's ex, and they start fighting over her.

Rinaldo, who wasn't actually in the Forest of Arden, arrives at the Forest of Arden, where a nymph makes him drink from the fountain of Love. This is exactly where he first met Angelica, and he is so filled with remorse for scorning her that he decides to head back to Albracca to apologise.

The Rogero Ruse
Brunello the dwarf escapes Marphisa - despite her abandoning her armour to travel faster, and probably because she wore out her horse - and presents Angelica's ring to Agramant, along with Orlando's horn. Agramant gives him a kingdom (Tingitana, should it become relevant) and lets him join the party of Saracens heading to Atlantes' mountain. Although the ring lets Agramant find the magically hidden mountain with a beautiful garden at the top, it doesn't let him climb it, and even Brunello's burglary skills are unable to effect an entrance. Agramant therefore sets up a tourney, which Rogero sees from the mountaintop and decides to join. Brunello offers him a horse (Sacripant's), a sword (Orlando's) and some armour (his own, somehow). Rogero is wounded treacherously, but Atlantes is able to heal him and he's able to kill the traitor. More importantly, he gets to hear all about the exciting invasion of France...

All Roads Lead to Paris
Orlando and Brandimart and Flordelis return to Albracca, passing Sacripant on the way. Sacripant is heading to seek aid from Gradasso, and is disguised as a pilgrim. Orlando explains what's been going on, and that everyone else has gone back to France. Angelica explains that with no defenders the defense has not been going all that well, and suggests that it might be best to return to France. Especially if Rinaldo's there.

'What was that last bit?'
'Nothing, dear!'

During the escape everyone is scattered, but Orlando quickly reunites with Angelica and Brandimart with Flordelis. A strange knight kidnaps Flordelis and demands Brandimart's armour and horse. This is Marphisa, who lost hers in chasing Brunello. Flordelis and Brandimart face robbers, and they flee into the forest. Happily, Brandimart finds a dead king in full armour, and takes his arms and armour. He leaves the crown, however. (This was Agrican, recently slain by Orlando. Well, fairly recently.)

Orlando and Angelica head back to France (via a tournament in Cyprus where they briefly encounter Gryphon, Aquilant and Origilla). They arrive in the Forest of Arden, and Angelica inadvertently drinks from the fountain of Hate. Then Rinaldo turns up and apologises to Angelica, who tells him to get knotted. This gets Rinaldo riled up, and he and Orlando fight.

Angelica, terrified of the combat, flees the forest, and finds herself in an armed encampment. Here she meets Charlemagne, and tells him what's going on. Charlemagne stomps into the forest, drags both of the knights back to the camp, places Angelica under guard, and tells Orlando and Rinaldo that he'll give her to the one of them that fights best against the damned Saracens, who they might remember are currently invading France!

Agramant, meanwhile, is trying to work out who killed one of his men and all signs point to Brunello. The dwarf is just about to be hanged when Rogero rides in and explains everything, and asks to join the army. Agramant is overjoyed, and forgives everyone, and sets off once more to France.

Meanwhile, Ferrau and Rodomont are interrupted in their duel by news that Marsilius is invading France from Spain. They agree to a gentlemanly truce and head off to join him. Along the way they come across Malagigi and his brother Vivian. Malagigi summons a horde of demons, but they're not enough and the two are captured. The Saracens join up with the Spanish forces, and are attacked by Charlemagne's army.

On their way back to France, Brandimart and Flordelis find themselves trapped in an enchanted castle. A damsel tells Brandimart that they can escape if he opens a sepulchre and kisses what comes out of it. What comes out of it is a dragon, who turns out to be an enchanted fairy. In gratitude for the kiss and associated rescue, the fairy enchants Brandimart's arms and armour, and then asks them to take the damsel to Syria to be reunited with her father, the king. The damsel tells her story, which is long and complicated, and finishes with her commenting that she wishes she knew what had happened to her sister, who was kidnapped as a child and sold to the Lord of the Sylvan Tower. Wait, says Flordelis, I was kidnapped as a child and sold to the Lord of the Sylvan Tower, and my boyfriend is that Lord's son and also the son of a different king, it's complicated. With everyone is rescued and knowing who their real parents are, Brandimart and Flordelis are married, before setting off again to France.

However, they don't make it: they are shipwrecked, and wash up in Carthage. Brandimart conceals his newly Christian status and introduces himself to Agramant merely as the son of King Monodontes. They join Agramant's army as it sails to Spain and then marches to France, where it joins the battle that's already going on.

Orlando, it turns out, is there, but is hanging back until such time as Charlemagne needs rescuing in the most impressive way possible. He sees Rogero, and is about to attack when Atlantes - who has followed Rogero to make sure nothing bad happens to him - casts a spell and tricks him into jumping into a magic well.

Meanwhile, in Tartary, Agrican's son Mandricardo sets out to avenge his father. He is captured by a fairy, who tests him and eventually awards him with the armour of the Trojan hero Hector - but not his sword. This is because Hector's sword is Durindana, currently wielded by Orlando. The fairy enjoins Mandricardo to swear an oath: he will wear no sword but Orlando's. Mandricardo joins forces with Gradasso and the two have any number of adventures - monsters, giants, mystic dwarves, a half-goblin half-fairy armed with a crocodile - and criss-cross the paths of all the other knights, including Gryphon and Aquilant. Eventually, however, they make it to France, just as Charlemagne's army is falling apart.

In the aftermath of the battle, Rogero finds Rodomont fighting a knight called Bradamant. Rogero politely coughs and says that the battle is over and Charlemagne's army is in rout. Bradamant asks permission to depart the field, which Rodomont refuses. Rogero considers this discourteous, and takes up the fight on Bradamant's behalf. She leaves, but is unable to catch up with the fleeing forces and comes back to see if Rogero needs a hand. Just as she comes back, Rogero gives Rodomont such a blow to the head that he drops both his sword and his bridle, leaving Bradamant and Rogero with a chance to chat. Bradamant apologises for leaving Rogero to fight on her behalf, explaining that she felt she had a duty to her king. Rogero finds this entirely reasonable. Rodomont comes to his senses, but decides that he's had enough and ducks off into the forest.

Bradamant and Rogero chat for a bit, and Rogero tells her his story, starting with the fall of Troy and ending with him being raised by a sorcerer as his son. Bradamant tells her story: she's a French paladin and Rinaldo's sister.

Rogero and Bradamant are getting on really quite nicely when they are attacked by a Saracen scouting party and separated. Rogero starts to look for her but instead comes across Mandricardo and Gradasso. Mandricardo asks Rogero why he has a Trojan device on his shield, and Rogero asks Mandricardo what right he has to Hector's arms. Mandricardo tells the story, but when he gets to the bit about not wearing any other sword by Durindana, Gradasso perks up and says that he's questing for Durindana too - that's the whole reason he invaded France and started this war in the first place. Gradasso and Mandricardo start hitting each other with trees to settle the matter.

This goes on for some time until Brandimart and Flordelis - accidentally on the wrong side in this war - turn up. Brandimart tells everyone that if they want to fight Orlando for his sword, they'll need to rescue him from the magic well first. Mandricardo and Gradasso are all for it, and Rogero tags along. However, Brandimart decides that he has the wrong number of knights, and Mandricardo is sent back to camp.

Orlando, it turns out, has been imprisoned in the River of Laughter by nymphs. Rogero and Gradasso are also seduced in quick succession, but Flordelis provides Brandimart with some garlands of mystic roses, and he effects a rescue. Gradasso decides that now is as good a time as any to attack Orlando and grab his sword, but they are interrupted by a dwarf who needs help. Rogero and Gradasso go off with the dwarf, and Orlando, Brandimart and Flordelis head for Paris, now under siege.

Bradamant, meanwhile, finds a hermit who can tend her various wounds and, because one of them is a head wound, cut her hair. She wanders off through the wood, where she meets with a damsel who, thinking her a man, tries to seduce her.

At this point, the poet says he has to stop because France is invading and the 'horizon is bright with flames.' He promises to continue the story again if he can - but he won't, and it won't be taken up for another forty years, when Ariosto comes along.

--

Holy shit, this stuff is awesome.

And there's a sequel...