For Queene and Country: The Middle-Road Adventures of the Temperate Knight

The Myth: Gloriana, the Faerie Queene! Mythic England! Magic queens! Knights! Ladies! Witches! Sorcerers! Giants! Lions! Dragons! More allegory than you could possibly imagine!
The Book: The Faerie Queene
The Author: Edmund Spenser, 1590
This text: Unclear: probably the etext of the 1903 edition, edited by George Armstrong Wauchope, but without any footnotes or editorial matter.
Price: 81 cents (Everyman Library)

Previously: The holy knight.

I confess to struggling with The Faerie Queene. Some of it is the archaic spelling and stilted meter, but mostly it's that the Elizabethan virtues are championed with such thin and transparent allegories and with such a smug manner that you really want to go out and be intemperate out of spite. 

The Legend of Sir Guyon
So anyway, Sir Guyon is Gloriana's Knight of Temperance: level-headed, virtuous and dull. He is accompanied by a Palmer, who is wise, aged and unmounted. Guyon's first adventure sees him come across Archimago and Duessa, fresh from their defeat and humiliation by the Redcrosse Knight in the earlier chapter. Duessa claims to have been outraged at the hands of a nameless knight, and demands Guyon avenge her. This quest lasts as long as it takes Guyon to learn that Redcrosse is the knight in question. Redcrosse is the Knight of Holiness; he couldn't possibly rape anyone. Quest resolved, Elizabethan justice demonstrated, on we go.

The second quest takes a bit more effort. Guyon comes across a woman bleeding dying in the woods, with a baby in her arms. The lady, Amavia, is in the process of killing herself. Her husband, Sir Mortdant, was seduced by the sorceress Acrasia, and taken to her Bower of Bliss. Amavia set off to rescue him, pausing only to give birth with the help of a local nymph. Acrasia let Mortdant go, but lay a curse on him: he would die as soon as he took a drink. That happened pretty quickly, and at that point Amavia decided to kill herself. She was almost finished when Guyon came along, and having croaked out her story, she dies.

Guyon buries the bodies, cleans the baby and vows to avenge their death. He abandons his horse to take the baby to a nearby castle, where he meets his female equivalent, Medina the Mean (in the sense of Golden). He also meets her sisters, Elissa the Austere and Pelissa the Wanton, and fights with their champions, Sir Huddibras the Big and Stupid and Sir Sansloy the Lawless, one of the Saracen brothers from the previous chapter. The fight threatens to destroy the castle, but Medina pleads for calm and, eventually, temperance reigns and everyone calms down. Guyon stays the night, commends the infant to Medina's care and then leaves the castle on his quest.

His quest involves any number of encounters:

• The knave Braggadacio who steals his horse and styles himself a knight, and is engaged by Archimago to attack Guyon.
• The monster Furor and his mother Occasion, who set upon pretty much everyone with extreme violence.
• The giant brothers Pyrochles and Cymochles, descendants of Jove and thralls to Acrasia.
• The demon Mammon, who tempts Guyon with a lot of rather unappealing wealth.
• Prince Arthur, hero of the realm, who is looking for his magic sword that was stolen by Archimago, given to Braggadacio and then to Pyrrochles.
• The Castle of Temperance, where Arthur and Guyon learn the mythic history of their peoples, British and Faerie respectively, and which they defend from the allegorical forces of Things That Are Not Temperate.
• Alma, the mistress of the Castle of Temperance.
• The demon Maleger, leader of the forces of Intemperance.

Guyon wins through all of this by sheer equanimity,  and hits the high seas, which are full of dangerous allegories,. He sees it through and makes it to the island which holds the Bower of Bliss, and it's only a few more allegories before Guyon is able to confront Acrasia in her bed (along with some random nobleman). Acrasia, of course, tries on the old wiles, but it's not very convincing. Guyon goes berserk, smashing the bed, chopping down the trees, burning the houses, and generally letting loose in a way that only the really uptight can manage.

So, with the sorceress' house smashed all to pieces and her household turned out, Guyon and the Palmer ride off into the sunset with the satisfaction of a quest well done.

--

It's harder to imagine a duller hero than Guyon, who is perfectly poised and balanced and thoughtful and careful. The end of his quest involves turfing a woman out of her own bed and smashing her place up, and this is the most passion he's shown in the whole piece.

I'm in two minds about continuing with the Faerie Queene. My completeness urge wants me to press forward, but I've found the whole thing pretty dire so far and I don't hold much hope for improvement. The next chapter concerns Britomarte, Champion of Chastity, and I'm not sure I can stomach that much Elizabethan virtue.

Blood and Poems: Viglund's Saga

The Myth: Viking Sagas! Blood! Magic! Snow! Violence! Seafaring! Vicious, vicious poetry!
The Book: Sagas of Warrior-Poets
The Author: Various bards of the thirteenth century.
This text: Paperback anthology from a 1997 translation by various scholars
Price: Well, I paid $16.95 according to the sticker. (Penguin Classics. Amazon has an etext which is slightly cheaper, and there are probably earlier translations around.)

Of the five sagas in this saga book, Viglund's is the only one that ends happily. It's also mostly fictional, unlike the others. This probably says something about truth, fiction and Vikings.

Viglund's Saga
Thorgrim is a courtier of Harald Fairhair. He is not well loved by the other courtiers, hence his disparaging nickname: Thorgrim the Elegant. He falls in love with Olof, the daughter of Earl Thorir and the most beautiful woman in Norway, and when the Earl arranges to marry her to Thorgrim's rival Ketil against her will, Thorgrim abducts her from her wedding and settles in Iceland. They have two fine sons, Viglund and Trausti, and a daughter, Helga.

The most beautiful girl in Iceland is Ketilrid. Ketilrid is much loved by her father, Holmkel, but much resented by her mother, Thorbjorg, and brothers. To protect her from their malice, Ketilrid is fostered with Thorgrim the Elegant. Viglund falls in love with her, but Ketilrid knows the genre conventions: it's impossible, she says, because things always go badly in the sagas.

Ketilrid's brothers, Einar and Jokul, are the village troublemakers. Einar takes it into his head to shame Thorgrim by seducing Olof, and the two make for Thorgrim's homestead. Olof sees this coming a mile off. Einar tries - without a lot of success - to seduce a servant disguised as Olof, until a mysterious and dangerous-looking man in black tells him that Thorgrim is returning. As the two panic and bolt, the man in black is revealed as Olof herself. She tells Thorgrim what has happened.

Jokul and Einar challenge Viglund to a horse fight. Their horse, Blackie, is a terror, but Viglund's Yellow Dun gets the better of it, and Blackie is killed. Jokul and Einar go for their weapons, and one of Viglund's men is killed. Thorgrim and Holmkel smooth things over, and Holmkel discovers the budding romance between Viglund and Ketilrid. He more-or-less approves. Thorbjorg does not.

Jokul and Einar continue to make trouble. They secretly kill Yellow Dun, and steal two of Thorgrim's most prized cattle. Local sympathy lies with Thorgrim, and when Thorbjorg starts boasting about how her sons were the ones what done it, Holmkel offers Thorgrim a large cash settlement if he does not press charges against his sons. The two remain great friends.

Meanwhile, back in Norway, Hakon of Vik seeks the hand of Ketil's daughter. Ketil agrees, on the condition that Hakon first kills Thorgrim the Elegant. Hakon travels to Iceland and makes the acquaintance of Thorbjorg, Jokul and Einar. They agree that killing Thorgrim is relevant to their interests. Jokul and Einar point out that they have a beautiful sister, who would make really quite a nice wife, or mistress. This sounds pretty great to Hokul, who wants to meet her.

Thorbjorg convinces Holmkel to call Ketilrid home. She convinces him that Hakon is a legitimate suitor, and that Ketilrid's affectionate behaviour towards Viglund risks a scandal. Ketilrid, grounded and forbidden to go to any ball games, is miserable.

The ball game in question is the Icelandic sport of knattleikur, involving a ball, bats, and frequent casual violence. The sons of Holmkel are on the opposing side to the sons of Thorgrim. Jokul and Viglund come to blows over successive days under the pretext of the game. It's not clear that Viglund's team wins, but Jokul seeks revenge for blows struck on the battle field, and lays an ambush for Viglund and his brother. Ketilrid is able to warn them, and Viglund and Trausti kill three of Holmkel's men. Jokul tells his father, neglecting the bit about the ambush and the provocation. Holmkel is angry enough to agree to marry Ketilrid to Hakon. Hakon, by this stage, has completely failed to kill Thorgrim the Elegant, and so has decided to settle in Iceland.

At another ball game, Viglund expresses his disappointment that Ketilrid has married. Holmkel, seeing his beloved daughter so miserable, begins to wonder if he has made a mistake. When his sons and Hakon go missing, he warns Viglund that they might be up to no good. On the way home he and Trausti come to the place where they were ambushed before, and take up a defensive position. There is a large battle, and Viglund and Trausti defeat many of Jokul's men, at some cost. At this point, given how few of them are left, Jokul says it's probably better if they duel: Trausti against Einar, Viglund against Hakon. Trausti and Einar fight until they both fall; Viglund kills Hakon but is wounded. At this point, Jokul starts fighting Viglund. Since he is fresh and Viglund is nearly dead, he gets the better of the exchange, until Viglund pulls a tricky manoeuvre and chops his arm off. Jokul tries to flee, and Viglund puts a spear in his back. And then he falls over. 

When Ketilrid hears of the battle, she faints. To Thorbjorg this is a sign of her illicit love for Viglund. Holmkel points out that it could be that she loves her brothers. Thorbjorg recommends that the best course of action is to take revenge on Thorgrim. Holmkel suggests that, having lost two sons each, they're pretty much even.

However, Viglund regains consciousness and drags his brother's body back home. Trausti is grievously wounded but not dead; the two spend a year in secret recovering from their wounds. Since Holmkel won't do it, Thorbjorg's father brings a suit against Thorgrim: since his sons are not actually dead when they should be, they must be outlawed.

Meanwhile, back in Norway, Ketil hears of the death of Hakon, and sends his two sons, Gunnlaug the Boisterous and Sigurd the Wise, on a mission of vengeance. However, they are shipwrecked. Thorgrim rescues them and takes them to his homestead. Gunnlaug asks Sigurd if they should fulfil their mission - on account of having the perfect opportunity - but Sigurd has vowed never to repay good with evil and recommends against it. Besides, he's fallen in love with Helga Thorgrimsdottir.

Thorgrim recommends that his outlaw sons leave the country, taking service with Gunnlaug and Sigurd. Ketilrid is distraught, and tells her father that if she were a man, she would not take vengeance against the brothers but instead would have given their money for their journey. Holmkel rides after the brothers. Trausti comments that if Viglund wanted to marry Ketilrid he should probably kill Holmkel and take her by force. Viglund says that, all things considered, he'd rather not kill Holmkel. As outlaws, they hide from him so that he isn't forced to attack them; after he has left they find that he has left them a pouch of money and a runestick saying why.

In Norway, Ketil is outraged and orders the sons of Thorgrim killed. Sigurd says that the difference between Thorgrim and Ketil is that Thorgrim rescued his enemy's sons and saved their lives, while Ketil wants to kill his enemy's sons for no reason. Sigurd and Gunnlaug stand in defence of Viglund and Trausti, and their father relents. Sigurd recommends that Gunnlaug arbitrate a settlement between Ketil and Thorgrim. The settlement sees Thorgrim being declared legally wed to Olof, Ketil getting her inheritance, Ketil's daughter Ingibjorg married to Trausti, and Sigurd married to Helga. Everyone is happy, and the four youngsters swear eternal brotherhood and go a-Viking. Viglund, who didn't get a wife out of this deal and wouldn't have liked it if he had, pines for Ketilrid.

Meanwhile, Thorbjorg is anxious to have her daughter married, and arranges a marriage with a chieftain named Thord. Thord takes his bride-to-be away with him to his own homestead. By coincidence, Viglund and Trausti have come ashore near the homestead, going under assumed names on account of being still technically outlaws. Thord takes them in, and introduces them to his young fiancee. Ketilrid recognises Viglund at once and hides herself under a veil; nevertheless, Viglund works it out eventually. Trausti becomes anxious that Viglund will dishonour their host by visibly pining for his intended, or, worse, kill him in his sleep. He tries to convince Viglund to leave before something terrible happens. He has all but succeeded, when Thord invites them to his wedding.

When the wedding guests arrive, the brothers are shocked to find Thorgrim and Olof among them, along with Helga, Sigurd, Gunnlaug and - surprise! - Holmkel. Thord then addresses them by their real names, and says that he knew all along that they were the sons of Thorgrim. Thord reveals himself as Thorgrim's brother, their uncle. He has conspired with Holmkel to trick Thorbjorg, so that he might save Ketilrid for Viglund. Viglund is married to Ketilrid, Helga is married to Sigurd, and everyone lives happily ever after.

Thanks be to the one who composed the stories and wrote them down. 

Blood and Poems: Bjorn's Saga

The Myth: Viking Sagas! Blood! Magic! Snow! Violence! Seafaring! Vicious, vicious poetry!
The Book: Sagas of Warrior-Poets
The Author:  Various bards of the thirteenth century.
This text: Paperback anthology from a 1997 translation by various scholars
Price: Well, I paid $16.95 according to the sticker. (Penguin Classics. Amazon has an etext which is slightly cheaper, and there are probably earlier translations around.)

The Saga of Bjorn, Champion of the Hitardal People

There is Thord, famous poet and well-known Jerk. There is Bjorn, impressive and well-built young Icelander. And there is Oddny Isle-Candle, most beautiful woman on all of Hjorsey island. Bjorn has been the victim of Thord's famously sharp verses; Bjorn is in love with Oddny and frequently visits her island home.

One day, Bjorn meets some Norwegian merchants, and feels the lure of the sea. He joins up with the merchants, but before he leaves, he is bethrothed to Oddny with, somewhat unusually, everyone's full agreement and consent. The betrothal is conditional: Bjorn is to return to Iceland within three years, and if he's late, too bad for him.

Bjorn travels to the court of Earl Eirek of Norway, a friend of his uncle's. When he gets there he finds that Thord has done the same thing. The Earl assumes that since they're both from Iceland they probably already know each other. Bjorn and Thord are diplomatic, praising each other's poetry and bravery. Thord proposes that they put their past behind them and become friends.

Bjorn says that he intends to make his fortune raiding. Thord tuts about this, saying that he really should be content with the Earl's favour, and go home to Oddny. Bjorn disagrees. Thord then offers to take a token to Oddny, to confirm the betrothal and reassure her that he intends to return. Against his better judgement, Bjorn gives Thord a ring, a gift from the Earl. Thord goes back to Iceland, Bjorn heads to Russia with the merchants.

Because of Bjorn's suspicion, and because he has friends everywhere, Thord delivers the message and the ring faithfully to Oddny. However, he adds a rider: that in the event of a no-show, Bjorn has assigned the betrothal over to himself, Thord.

In Russia, Bjorn befriends the King, Valdimar. However, Russia is in revolt: the king's brother Kaldimar is challenging for the throne. Valdimar offers to split the kingdom equally, but Kaldimar insists that there can be only one king. Rather than go to war, Valdimar offers to settle the matter in single combat. Kaldimar, all but invincible, agrees. Then Valdimar discovers that he can't find a single Russian to be his champion. Bjorn is offended by what he sees as inexcusable cowardice, and offers to be Valdimar's champion. Valdimar gratefully accepts. Bjorn wins, but is near fatally wounded. He is laid up in Russia for far too long.

Back in Iceland, Thord hears of Bjorn's wounding, and bribes some merchants to say that he is dead. Thord marries Oddny. Bjorn takes up as a raider, and has little wish to return to Iceland.

After some time has passed, Thord heads back to Norway to claim an inheritance. He runs afoul of Bjorn's men, and chooses to hide rather than fight. Bjorn finds him hiding in some bushes, and confronts him with his treachery and mocks him for his cowardice. He takes Thord's ship and goods and most of his clothing, and sends him on to Norway.

Norway is now under new management: the saintly King Olaf now has the throne. Thord's kin are in good with the new king, and Bjorn is a pirate. Nevertheless, impressed by the king's reputation and worried about his own, Bjorn heads to Norway. He is briefly arrested for his crimes against Norwegian trade, i.e. Thord, but when the King hears the whole story, he asks both men if he might arbitrate between them. He declares the thefts of the woman and the ship to be equal, demands that Thord compensate Bjorn for the ring and some other bride goods, and declares that to be the end of the matter and woe betide anyone who doesn't honour the settlement.

Bjorn stays with the King as a welcome guest until the next winter, and then heads back to Iceland. Oddny, meanwhile, has heard that Bjorn isn't quite as dead as she'd been led to believe, and asks her husband rather sharply for some answers. When Bjorn arrives onshore, Oddny insists that he stay at their homestead. 

For the most part, Bjorn is happy to respect King Olaf's judgement, and makes no claim on Oddny's hand. But he and she flirt, while Oddny bickers with Thord. Thord and Bjorn get into argument after argument, taunting each other. Poems are said that can't be unsaid.

"Hey, Bjorn, remember that time I stole your girlfriend and married her?"
"Hey, Thord, remember that time I stole all your goods and your ship while you cowered in the bushes?"

It is not a fun winter.

Eventually Bjorn decides to leave. His parting gift to Oddny is a cloak that he'd stolen from Thord.

Bjorn's new steading is close enough to Thord's that tensions remain high. Thord composes a satirical poem about Bjorn, and is fined for it. Thord finds a scorn-pole at his boundary and accuses Bjorn of erecting it. Bjorn hears about this and composes a poem about it. Bjorn is fined for the pole and the poem, and an uneasy peace resumes.

Thord isn't satisfied; he becomes obsessed with killing Bjorn.

Thord is visited by relatives, and he convinces them to ambush Bjorn. Bjorn's aunt is tipped off by a dream, and sends her husband to look after him. The ambush fails and the cousins are slain. They are considered to have acted illegally, and no compensation is forthcoming.

Thord convinces Thorstein, the son of a mutual friend known as Kalf the Ill-willed, that Bjorn is trying to steal their lands. Young Thorstein ambushes Bjorn while they are out herding sheep. Weaponless, Bjorn kills Thorstein with his bare hands. Although there is no legal requirement, Bjorn pays compensation to Kalf for the sake of their friendship.

The feud grows. Satirical poems are composed on both sides. Thord has Bjorn fined for harbouring outlaws; Bjorn kills some outlaws that Thord is harbouring. Bjorn notices that Thord's son Kolli looks a lot like himself; he doesn't claim paternity, but does compose an oblique poem on the subject. Thord publicly sings the praises of Bjorn's wife; Bjorn replies with the 'Isle-Candle Verses'. Thord hires outlaws to kill Bjorn; they fail, and Bjorn ties them up and sends them back to Thord. Thord ambushes Bjorn on his way home from a friend's house, but Bjorn is warned by dream and comes out slightly ahead. Thord convinces Bjorn's relative - another Thorstein - to pick a fight with him, but Thorstein is so impressed with Bjorn's hospitality that he reneges and swears to avenge Bjorn if anything should happen to him.

And so on, and so on.

Eventually, Thord gathers his sons and a party of men with grievances against Bjorn, and ambush him while he is tending his horses. Unable to draw his sword, Bjorn defends himself with the shears he is using to trim the horses' manes. Kolli's attacks are particularly ferocious, but Bjorn tells him he's better at fighting than genealogy, if you know what I mean. Kolli immediately relents and runs home to talk to his mother.

But finally, Thord and his men are victorious, and Bjorn is beheaded. He offers Bjorn's wife the neck ornament he was wearing when he died, who tells him scornfully to give it to his own wife, Oddny. When Bjorn's mother sees his head, she tells Thord to give it to Oddny, who always liked it better than his own. For her part, when Oddny hears of Bjorn's death, she is overcome with grief and never recovers; Thord is cut deeply, ashamed that killing Bjorn has cost him his wife.

Bjorn's friends and kinsmen come to sue Thord for the killing. Thord tries to con Bjorn's brother into a hasty settlement, pointing out how many of Thord's people Bjorn has killed without compensation, but Bjorn's sworn friend and blood-brother Thorstein does not accept. Thord is forced to pay massive punitive fines in order to escape outlawry, even as his cohorts are outlawed and his sons exiled.

Thord goes home, lonely, broken, and dissatisfied.

And here this narrative ends.

Next: Viglund's saga.

Blood and Poems: The Saga of Gunnlaug Serpent-Tongue

The Myth: Viking Sagas! Blood! Magic! Snow! Violence! Seafaring! Vicious, vicious poetry!
The Book: Sagas of Warrior-Poets
The Author:  Various bards of the thirteenth century.
This text: Paperback anthology from a 1997 translation by various scholars
Price: Well, I paid $16.95 according to the sticker. (Penguin Classics. Amazon has an etext which is slightly cheaper, and there are probably earlier translations around.)

The Saga of Gunnlaug Serpent-Tongue

When Helga Thorsteindottir was born, it was prophesied that she would cause the death of two men before marrying a third. Thorstein gave orders that she should be exposed, to save himself any   trouble that might result, but his wife Jofrid sent her in secret to a fostering. Many years later, Thorstein is introduced to Helga and told that she is his daughter. He repents his previous stupidity and takes her home with him.

Shortly after, two brothers are fostered with Thorstein. One is a promising chief-in-the-making called Hermund, the other is the promising if acerbic poet named Gunnlaug Serpent-Tongue. The fostering has come about because twelve-year-old Gunnlaug has asked his father Illugi for trade goods to fund an international trading expedition, and Illugi reckons he's too young and needs to learn a bit of Icelandic law.

Gunnlaug and Helga fall in love over a mutual love of board games, and also because Helga is the most beautiful woman in Iceland. Thorstein teaches Gunnlaug all about Icelandic law. Gunnlaug practices the betrothal process on Helga, to everyone's amusement, except, perhaps, Thorstein's.

Some time later, Thorstein offers Gunnlaug a horse. Gunnlaug refuses, saying that he's planning on going overseas and can't possibly take a horse, and suggests Thorstein offers him his daughter instead. Thorstein says that he considers him too young and reckless, and besides, he's going overseas and can't possibly take his wife. There are some complicated negotiations, and it is agreed that Gunnlaug will be allowed to marry Helga if he returns from his overseas jaunt within three years.

Gunnlaug's overseas jaunt starts badly when he insults the Earl of Norway. However, he soon finds favour with King Ethelred of England, and takes service with him as warrior and poet. When Gunnlaug runs afoul of the thug and bandit Thororm, King Ethelred presents him with a sword to duel him with. Thororm has a charm that lets him blunt any weapon he looks at; therefore Ethelred recommends Gunnlaug show him a different sword before the duel. Gunnlaug does so, and wins great favour in England by slaying Thororm.

Gunnlaug travels a bit here and there, befriending the kings of Ireland and Sweden. In the Swedish court he meets Hrafn Onundson, who hails from the same part of Iceland as he does. The two get on pretty well, until Gunnlaug insults Hrafn's poetry before the king. Hrafn says that this will not stand. Hrafn returns home to Iceland, and Gunnlaug goes back to England.

Gunnlaug is coming to the end of his three years, but England is threatened by Canute of Denmark. King Ethelred doesn't let him go. When another summer passes without a Danish invasion, the king relents, and Gunnlaug hightails it back to Iceland. On the way back, he meets Hallfred Troublesome-Poet, who tells him that Hrafn intends to seek Helga's hand. Gunnlaug heads back to Iceland, but is too late: Helga is married to Hrafn.

Illugi and Hermund tell Gunnlaug that there are plenty more fish in the cold northern seas, but Gunnlaug will have none of it. He spends as much time as he can with Helga, giving her gifts. Helga has no love at all for Hrafn, and Hrafn blames Gunnlaug. At the Althing, they bicker, and Gunnlaug challenges Hrafn to a duel. Hrafn hits Gunnlaug's shield so hard that his sword breaks, scratching Gunnlaug's cheek as it shatters. Gunnlaug claims a technical victory because Hrafn is disarmed; Hrafn claims the same because Gunnlaug is wounded. Neither is satisfied, but the Althing votes to outlaw duelling, so that was the last duel ever fought in Iceland.

But not the last fought in Norway: Hrafn and Gunnlaug agree to continue the duel overseas. Gunnlaug chops of Hrafn's leg, but Hrafn doesn't yield. Gunnlaug says he won't duel with someone who can't actually stand up. Hrafn says he'll be alright, if he can just have a drink of water. Gunnlaug agrees to fetch him water in his helmet. Hrafn stabs him in the head.

They fight longer, and Gunnlaug gets a technical victory in that Hrafn dies first, but neither survives the duel.

News reaches Illugi and Hermund, and they kill and maim a couple of Hrafn's kinsmen in vengeance for Gunnlaug. Helga is married to someone else, but never quite gets over her first love. She eventually dies of grief, and also plague.

And this is the end of the saga.

Next: Bjorn's Saga.