Friday, 5 December 2014

More Mabinogion: The Miscellaneous Mab

The Myth: Myths of Wales! Knights! Kings! Faeries! Giants! Princesses! Vaguely Arthurian Imagery!
The Book: The Mabinogion
The Author:  Various bards of the thirteenth and fourteenth centuries.
This text: etext of a 1906 translation by Lady Charlotte Guest
Price: $2.48 (Dover Thrift Editions. There's also a free version at Project Gutenberg, but the stories are in a different order.)



More Mabinogion: The Dream of Macsen Wendig
Basically, the Emperor of Rome dreams he was King of Wales. 

More Mabinogion: The Story of Lludd and Llevelys
King Llud of Britain has a problem, or three problems: a tri-partite plague involving the invincible Coranians, who can hear anything that is said of them; an annual shriek that terrifies the populace and scours the land; and provisions that disappear on the very night that they are prepared.

Fortunately, Ludd's brother, King Llevelys of France, knows the causes: magic, dragons, more magic. And he has the solutions: treachery, booze, violence.

The Coranians are allergic to a particular insect, and Llevelys provides a breeding colony. Llud uses it to poison some water. He calls the Coranians to a peace conference, and splashes them to death. Victory!

Buried at the exact geographic centre of England are two dragons, who are fighting for supremacy. Llud measures the length and breadth of the island, and digs up Oxford. The dragons fly out and fight until they are exhausted. Llud catches the plummeting dragons in a cauldron of mead, and secures them in a stone chamber in Snowdon. Victory!

The provisions are being stolen by a mighty magician. Lludd arranges a massive banquet, then heroically stays awake until said magician - a monstrous giant - arrives. Lludd beats the magician into submission, only relenting when he offers fealty and to stop stealing all the food. Victory! Victory! Victory!

Thus ends the story of Lludd and Llevelys.

More Mabinogion: The Dream of Rhonabwy
Honestly I have no idea.

More Mabinogion: The Lady of the Fountain
So King Arthur goes for an afternoon nap, instructing Sir Kai to give everyone mead and meat and for everyone to swap cool adventure stories. Kynon, son of Clydno, demands the mead first, and then goes on to tell his story.
"So, no shit, there I was..."
Kynon begins by reminding everyone how awesome he is, and how he was questing around the land to see if there was anyone who could actually beat him. He'd had no luck (because he's awesome) until he comes across a mysterious castle in foreign lands. The castle has two golden-haired youths, a well-dressed older man, and two dozen damosels.
"...and the important thing about these damosels is that they were so hot...!"
The damosels see to his horse, his armour, his bath and his food. They are basically like squires, only hot. Over dinner, Kynon's scrupulously polite host asks him his quest, and when he learns it's all about Kynon's awesomeness, he says that he'd rather not provide advice. Kynon, awesome as he is, presses, and gets instructions: He's to go into the woods and meet a one-eyed, one-footed giant who will provide further instructions.

Said giant - who has sovereignity over all the animals of the forest - does indeed give instructions: there's a nearby fountain, with a magic ritual which will summon, in order, a devastating hailstorm, a flock of beautifully singing birds, and a black-clad knight who's pissed off that his lands have been devastated by a hailstorm.

Kynon relates that the ritual did indeed summon these things, and that, sadly, the knight trounced him mightily. Kynon returns to Camelot, stopping only to enjoy the hospitality of the mysterious castle again.

At the end of Kynon's tale, Sir Owain suggests that he might like to go and prove his own awesomeness on this black knight. Kai scoffs, but Gwenhwyvar supports him, and Arthur wakes up in time for dinner.

Owain goes off on the awesomeness quest, and finds things exactly as Kynon described, possibly to his surprise. He gets the same story from the mysterious castle, he meets the same giant, he summons the same devastating hailstorm and meets the same pissed off knight. Owain, however, is more awesome than Kynon, and mortally wounds the black knight, who rides off home. Owain follows, and loses half his horse when the portcullis closes.

Owain is rescued by the maiden Luned, who gives him a ring of invisibility. The guards turn up to deal with the murderer of their lord and master, and find only half a horse. Owain takes up Luned's hospitality, pausing briefly to fall in love with the Countess of the town. Happily, Luned is said Countess' lady-in-waiting, and can arrange a meeting, though she recommends waiting until the Count's funeral arrangements are complete.

Luned pretends to travel to Camelot to seek a new suitor for her lady, but instead hangs out with Owain for a bit, explaining how the fountain thing works and how he's expected to defend it if anyone is stupid enough to do the ritual and tough enough to survive the hailstorm. Owain agrees, and he and the Countess are, eventually, wed.

Some time after, Owain remembers that he does actually have a king, so he heads back to Camelot. He promises to be back in three months.

Three years later, a damsel arrives at Camelot with some pretty harsh words. Owain remembers that he's married and that he's broken his promise, and opts to go mad in the wilderness. Happily, the wilderness he chooses is near enough to his neglected lands that when he collapses, starving and unrecognisable, the Countess directs a maiden to apply a magic balsam to him, if he's not already dead.

The balsam brings Owain to his senses and he spends the next three months in the maiden's company, recovering. Then the day comes that a neighbouring Earl comes to take the Countess' unguarded lands by force. The maiden tells the Countess that she has a knight who needs arms and armour. The Countess provides these, and Owain, incognito, defeats the Earl and delivers him to the Countess in thanks for the balsam.

Owain hears a cry in the wilderness, and, knight-like, rides to the rescue. He finds a lion held hostage by a serpent, and he saves the lion by decapitating the serpent. The lion is grateful and follows him like a puppy. Specifically, a greyhound puppy. The lion was not the source of the cry, however: that was a maiden, imprisoned in a stone vault.

It's Luned! Luned has been sentenced to death for providing bad romantic advice, unless the feckless knight she provided comes to her rescue. Luned explains that she's pretty sure said knight will come to her rescue, as long as he knows what's going on. Owain asks how sure; she says, pretty sure. Except that the execution is the day after tomorrow, so, she says, if you happen to see a dickhead knight called Owain...

Owain nods and leaves her in the vault.

The next day, Owain and the lion kill a giant (he had kidnapped their host's twin sons) and then head off to Luned's prison. Two auburn-haired youths are preparing to throw her on the fire, musing that they really thought that the knight would come and rescue her. Owain challenges them and is winning, until they complain that the agreement was that he would fight them, and there was nothing said about the lion.
"Lions is cheating!"
"There's two of you!"

"Neither of us is a lion. Technically."
"Fine."

Owain ties the lion up in the vault and continues the fight, but his awesomeness isn't quite up to these odds. The lion, distressed, breaks free of the vault and eats Owain's opponents.
"Pretty sure a lion is knightly weapon. Technically."
Owain and Luned head back in triumph to the Lady of the Fountain, and Owain resumes his happy marriage.
"Where have you been?"
"Don't ask."
"I asked."
"Um..."
Owain then discovers that the four and twenty hot maidens have actually been imprisoned in the mysterious castle by the one-eyed, one-footed giant, and proceeds to beat him up with his lion. The giant cries uncle, and promises to run his mysterious castle as a mysterious hospice, and sends the maidens home to Camelot.

Thus ends the Lady of the Fountain bit of the Mabinogion.

Next: More miscellaneous Mab.

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