The Book: Orlando Innamorato
The Author: Matteo Maria Boiardo (1494).
This text: An etext of an 1823 prose translation by William Stewart Rose. This edition is from the University of Adelaide - Project Gutenberg has the same text, but the formatting is better here. It's worth noting that much the same material is covered in Thomas Bulfinch's Age of Chivalry.
Price: Nothin'.
It surprises me that Orlando Innamorato/Furioso isn't a bigger part of our cultural inheritance. There's eighteen billion King Arthur derivations, but very few Charlemagne ones, and most of those are historical biopics.
And this is a story where a beautiful grifter-princess triggers a sequence of events that sends a dozen knights to all corners of the world (and, in the sequel, the moon) when they should really be defending the realm. It's wonderfully elaborate and complicated. You've got monsters, wizards, sorceresses, enchanted islands, cursed castles, sympathetic and complicated villains, fencing, fighting, torture, revenge, giants, monsters, chases, escapes, true love, miracles...
I would totally watch this TV series.
A note on the text: This text is a prose translation from the early nineteenth century, which tends to describe the epic rather than reproducing it. I've also recently read the Bulfinch's Mythology summary of these legends (in Age of Chivalry). Bulfinch is pretty dry overall, but I found the Charlemagne sequence hugely entertaining. This summary draws on both of those, but Rose is what I've got open in front of me.
I. Princess Angelica and the Tournament of Destiny
Charlemagne is holding a tournament for the glory of France. Into the middle of a banquet burst four giants, a knight, and beautiful damsel. The damsel introduces herself as Angelica and the knight as her brother, Uberto, and claims that they have been banished from their father's mansion in Cathay for no reason. She adds further that Uberto will joust with all comers; she herself will be the reward. Pretty much everyone falls in love with Angelica at this point, including Charles himself, and especially the Christian knight Orlando and the pagan knight Ferrau. The exception is Malagigi, cousin of Orlando and puissant sorcerer, who knows a shifty sorceress when he sees one and suspects that Angelica is up to no good. Malagigi summons a demon, who tells him a number of things:
- Uberto is actually Argalia, son of Galaphron
- Uberto, actually Argalia, is armed with a magic lance of invincibility
- further, Uberto is equipped with a magic ring of:
- protection from magic, if worn on the finger; and
- invisibility, if put in the mouth.
- the Indian king Galaphron has sent his kids on a mission to humiliate Charlemagne and capture knights
- Angelica is up to no good at all.
The next day, Orlando announces that he will be the first to challenge Argalia for Angelica's hand. Every other knight announces the same thing, and eventually the matter is resolved by drawing lots. Astolpho, the terribly pretty British knight, draws the first lot, Ferrau the second. Orlando draws the thirtieth, and sulks.
Astolpho, not known as a jouster, loses promptly, but because he is terribly pretty, Angelica puts him up in her pavilion. Ferrau loses far less gracefully and goes Argalia with a sword. Argalia's giants step in, and Argalia steps out, feeling that the event has become unsporting. Ferrau eventually prevails, and Argalia agrees to take up the battle again. Crucially, however, he neglects to pick up his magic lance, and the battle is now much more even. Argalia is wearing magic armour and can't be defeated; Ferrau is half-invulnerable and can't be defeated either. They agree to call it a draw, and Ferrau can marry Angelica if she consents.
However, faced with the prospect of marrying Ferrau, who is the opposite of terribly pretty, Angelica flees. She makes her way invisibly into the Forest of Arden, planning to magic herself back home. Abandoned by his hostess, Astolpho picks up the magic lance - not knowing its properties - and heads back to Charlemagne. On the way he meets Rinaldo, his cousin, and tells him what has happened, and then meets Orlando, Rinaldo's cousin and Malagigi's brother, and tells him the same. Rinaldo, Orlando and Ferrau all head into the forest in pursuit of Angelica.
Back at the tournament, the field is being carried by the giant Saracen knight Grandonio. This prompts Charles to speculate with the full force of his vocabulary as to where his champion knights might be. Astolpho, without any particular hope of victory, offers to defend the honour of the king in the absence of his cousins. Much to everyone's surprise, Astolpho defeats Grandonio on the first charge and then clears the field. No-one is more shocked than he himself.
The forest of Arden, site of Angelica's escape, contains two very important water sources left fairly carelessly behind by Merlin after the Tristan/Iseult fiasco. The first is the fountain of hate, which Rinaldo drinks from, causing him to lose interest in Angelica. Having no particular reason to press on, he goes to sleep in a grove. The second water source is the stream of love, which Angelica drinks from, causing her to fall head over heels for Rinaldo, who happens to be sleeping nearby. Rinaldo wakes up and stomps off, with the besotted princess in pursuit. The well-rested knight is too fast for her, and she falls into an exhausted sleep.
Meanwhile, the single-minded Ferrau is pursuing Argalia, intending to defeat him properly so that he can marry Angelica. He is successful in the first part of this: a lucky blow pierces Argalia to the heart. With his dying breath he asks Ferrau to throw his body in the river, because of the immense embarrassment that would result if anyone knew he'd been killed while wearing magic armour.
Elsewhere, Orlando comes upon the sleeping Angelica, and is overcome by her beauty. He decides to sit there, staring, possibly drooling a bit. Ferrau arrives and goes him; Angelica awakes and flees. Orlando proposes a truce so that they might go after her. Ferrau refuses, figuring that he's going to have to kill Orlando at some point anyway. They fight until they are politely interrupted by a damsel, who is looking for Ferrau. Gradasso of Sericane has invaded Europe, and Ferrau's liege, Marsilius of Spain, would really like Ferrau to be back home defending the realm right now. Ferrau grudgingly agrees, and heads back home, leaving Orlando to pursue Angelica eastwards. It does not occur to Orlando that if Gradasso is invading Spain, he might shortly be threatening France, but Orlando is kind of like that.
II. The Road to Cathay
Angelica makes it safely home. She's lost Argalia, but gained Malagigi. Unfortunately, Malagigi isn't the one she wants. She offers him a deal: bring me Rinaldo, and you can go free. She lets him loose and gives him back his magic book. Malagigi summons a demon to take him back to Europe. Rinaldo is pleased to see him, but has absolutely no interest in heading to India. In fact, he's due to duel Gradasso for the fate of France. Malagigi understands, and disguises his demon as Gradasso to lure Rinaldo onto a magic boat. Rinaldo goes eastwards.
Elsewhere, Orlando is heading to India off his own bat. He rescues an old man's son from a giant, and the old man rewards him with a magic book that can answer any question. 'Where's Angelica?' he asks. 'Ask the sphinx,' says the book. 'What sphinx?' asks Orlando.
'Hello,' says a sphinx.
The sphinx agrees to tell Orlando where Angelica is, if Orlando will answer his own riddle. Orlando agrees, and the sphinx tells him that Angelica is in Albracca in Cathay. The sphinx then asks its riddle, and Orlando kills it with his magic sword Durindana. Then he consults the book, and it tells him that the answer was 'man'.
'Huh,' says Orlando.
Orlando then deals with a giant and a cyclops in short order, and meets a courier. The courier has been sent by Angelica to enlist the aid of Sacripant, king of Circassia, on account of how Albracca is under seige by Agrican, emperor of Tartary. Agrican is one of Angelica's ex-suitors, and is hoping to win her by force of arms. This tells Orlando that he's near Albracca and hence Angelica, and he sets off with a spring in his step.
Nearby is a bridge over a raging river. A damsel tells him it is her custom to offer everyone who passes a drink from her magic goblet. Not one to scoff at custom, Orlando drinks, and is drugged into an amnesiac stupor.
Back in France, Rinaldo's no-show causes Gradasso to take up the offensive again. Everyone is captured except Astolpho, who is holding the fort back in Paris. Since all Gradasso actually wants out of his invasion is Rinaldo's horse Bayardo and Orlando's sword Durindana, Charlemagne admits defeat and offers both of these, the first immediately, the second whenever Orlando gets back from wherever he's got to. Astolpho refuses to surrender the horse - which isn't Charlemagne's, after all - and offers to joust Gradasso for it and for his captives. Again, Astolpho is accidentally triumphant, and he saves the king and the day.
Malagigi's boat brings Rinaldo to a luxurious palace on a beautiful garden island. The staff introduce themselves and tell him that the palace is a gift from his magnificent lady love. Rinaldo is pretty impressed until he works out that said lady is Angelica, at which point he huffs back to his boat. He can't make it sail, but just as he's considering his swimming options, it takes off again and deposits him at the feet of an old man who has just this second lost his daughter to a kidnapper.
Rinaldo sets off in pursuit, and promptly falls into a pit trap. He is carried by a giant to the horrible castle Altaripa. There, a hag tells him a long and complicated story of crime, jealousy, violence, infanticide, cannibalism, rape and bitter, bitter revenge. The horrid crimes that have happened here have given birth to a voracious and invulnerable monster. The hag tells Rinaldo that she feeds to the monster anyone that arrives at the castle - originally from necessity, but these days for the fun of it. Rinaldo is thrown into a dungeon, and in the morning he is lowered into the monster's quarters. Neither his sword nor his armour have much effect, and the monster quickly gains the upper hand.
Meanwhile, back in Abracca, Angelica asks Malagigi how Operation Bring-Rinaldo-Here-For-Kisses is going. Malagigi admits that it hasn't gone entirely to plan, and Rinaldo is technically at the mercy of an invincible murder-monster in the doom-castle Altaripa. All is not entirely lost, he says, because he's pretty sure his arsenal of magic items could save the day. The items are:
- a rope full of nooses
- a cake of wax
- a file.
'Can I help you, sweetie? This is kind of my fault although really it's Malagigi's.'Angelica throws her stuff at him and flies off. The wax catches in the monster's teeth and binds them, and the nooses catch on its spines and tangles it up. Rinaldo drops down and tries to kill it with his sword, before eventually giving up and gouging its eyes out with his hands. The monster dispatched, Rinaldo takes stock and finds himself in an oubliette designed to contain a giant and invulnerable monster. Fortunately, he finds Angelica's file, and uses it to escape through a barred window. The hag throws herself off a balcony rather than face Rinaldo's justice. Rinaldo takes one look at Malagigi's boat and heads off inland.
'Don't need your help! Piss off!'
'I've got some magic stuff here. It'll be easy.'
'Piss off or I swear to god I'll just let go.'
'You'll be eaten!'
'I'd rather be eaten!'
'Be that way then!'
At this point, Astolpho has resolved to answer Charlemagne's question of 'Where the hell are all my knights?' by questing in search of them. He finds himself in the midst of Sacripant's army, heading to relieve Albracca. Sacripant offers to take him into his service, but Astolpho refuses haughtily. Sacripant assumes he's either mad or British, and lets him go.
At a bridge nearby, Astolpho is accosted by the knight Brandimart, Lord of the Sylvan Tower, and his lady. Brandimart wagers his lady on a joust; lacking a lady, Astolpho offers his horse. Astolpho wins, which upsets the lady no end. This in turn upsets Brandimart, and he threatens to kill himself. Astolpho gallantly explains that he doesn't actually want the lady. Brandimart swears eternal gratitude, when Sacripant arrives and offers to joust for both the horse and lady. Astolpho says he'll start since he's already on his horse, and they leave Sacripant in the dust. Astolpho and Brandimart ride out.
The lady at this point realises that they are awfully close to the Waters of Oblivion, and if any damsel should offer them a magic goblet, they should refuse. Sure enough, they arrive at the bridge, and Astolpho does indeed refuse the goblet. Furious, the damsel - actually the fairy Dragontina - sets the bridge on fire. Brandimart's lady takes them down a secret passage and they find themselves in Dragontina's pleasure garden. Dragontina's pleasure garden is full of amnesiac knights, who attack.
Orlando charges Astolpho, who, mounted on Bayardo, flees. The rest of the knights attack Brandimart. Brandimart holds his own, but is slowly overwhelmed. His maiden counsels him to surrender, which he does, and Dragontina forces him to drink the waters of oblivion. Orlando eventually gives up his pursuit of Astolpho and returns to Dragontina to report failure.
Astolpho rides hell for leather to Albracca, where he presents himself to Angelica. Agrican's siege begins. Astolpho offers to prove himself and rides out into the besieging forces. He unhorses many an enemy, but is eventually surrounded and taken.
'Oh, dear,' says Angelica.
Next: The needlessly complicated siege of Albracca.
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