The Book: Orlando Furioso
The Author: Lodovico Ariosto (1532-ish)
This text: An etext of a set of poetry translations from 1823 to 1831 by William Stewart Rose.
Price: Nothin'.
(http://mythicread.blogspot.com/2016/02/ragin-roland-ii-adventure-at-sea.html)
Enter Mandricardo
We meet Agramant, king of the Saracens, reviewing the troops. He won the last battle - technically - and has gathered the Moorish forces within striking distance of Paris. Nothing is going to stop him now.
The troops are in pretty good shape, although there are some gaps in the hero ranks after the last battle. Agramant (with his ally, Marsilius of Spain) does a bit of rearranging, promotes a few captains, wonders where Rogero is, and accepts Mandricardo, King of Tartary, into the ranks. Mandricardo is wearing the armour of Greek hero Hector, which he found in a fairy castle, and no sword. Mandricardo's main quest is to avenge his father, Agrican, and the first thing he needs to do is find out who killed him.
Everyone tells him: it was Orlando.
This suits Mandricardo, because the reason he has no sword is his other quest: he won't wear any sword but Durindana, Orlando's sword.
Mandricardo casts about for Orlando in an aimless sort of way, and comes across a party of armed knights. They tell him that they are escorting the daughter of the King of Granada to her betrothed, the Moorish champion Rodomont.
Can I meet her, says Mandricardo.
No you can't, say the guards.
Can you defend her, says Mandricardo.
Turns out they can't. Mandricardo kills a lot of them, and the rest flee. Mandricardo, covered in blood, introduces himself to Doralice, the princess.
She is beautiful, and he falls in love.
He is a bloody mess who's just murdered her escort. She doesn't.
But Mandricardo is opportunistic, suave and persistent. He dismisses the surviving Granadan servants and rides off with Doralice, explaining that, never mind what she might hear about quests and vengeance and swords and shit, he had in fact come to Spain for the express purpose of meeting and wooing her.
By nightfall, Doralice is smitten. They boot a shepherd out of his hut, and pass the night under a discreet veil.
Prayers and Allegories, and the Beginning of the Battle of Paris
Agramant hears that the English have landed, and decides he's out of time: he must attack.
Charlemagne, meanwhile, realises he's in a bit of a pickle, and retires to the cathedral to pray. This prompts God to look down, and realise there may be a bit of sorting out to do if Christendom is to be saved. He tells the archangel Michael to grab Silence and Discord - allegories, rather than angels - and do a bit of sorting out.
Michael spends quite a bit of time among allegories, but eventually finds Discord in a monastery, and Silence with Sleep (who is sleeping with Sloth).
Silence is dispatched to help Rinaldo and the English sneak into Paris, and Discord is sent into the Saracen camp to start fucking with them.
The Battle of Paris (Part I)
It's almost too late, though: the Saracens have now arrived at Paris. Charlemagne has drawn his forces into the citadel. It's about to go off.
This battle is grand. Waves of Saracens hit the walls, and are rebuffed, easily to begin with.
And then Rodomont hits the scene. He hacks, he slashes. He cuts through Christian knights by the dozen, and cuts down any of his own men that are retreating. He scares his forces up siege ladders. He leaps the moat in a single bound, and clears a way for the invading horde. The Saracens force themselves into the inner moat.
And then the defenders set off the mines, and everything is on fire.
So what's Astolpho up to anyway?
Astolpho is preparing to return to Europe. Logistilla gives him a magic book that tells him how to protect himself from magic. She also gives him a horn that terrifies anyone who hears it. And then she puts him in a boat with her handmaiden, Andronica, and sends him back west. Astolpho asks Andronica if she knows the way back to Europe, and she tells him its entire future history.
It's one way to pass a voyage.
The boat deposits Astolpho in Arabia, from whence he is content to wend his way by land. He is riding Rabican, once Agrican's horse. Rabican is half horse, half wind-and-fire, and subsists on nothing but air. He's a good horse. Halfway down the Nile, a hermit in a boat tells him of a giant who has been terrorising the land and generally eating people, and politely suggests that he takes another route.
Astolpho says that the other route is the wrong direction - apart from anything, it takes him away from the wicked giant who's terrorising the land. There is heroism to be enacted!
He finds the place - it's the house in the swamp decorated with blood and body parts. The giant, Caligorant, hasn't seen a knight in months, and is thrilled to bits when Astolpho rides along. He lies in ambush, but Astolpho has been forewarned. He sounds his horn, and the terror-struck giant abandons his blind and runs into his own net.
Astolopho is all about dealing justice, but he baulks at killing a helpless foe. The net, it turns out, was made by Vulcan for Mercury, so that he could use it to catch the nymph Chloris. Caligorant had stolen it from a Greek temple. It's the good shit, and the giant is secure. So Astolpho rides off to Cairo, leading the giant along with him.
The giant is carrying his stuff.
In Cairo Astolpho hears tell of a great villain in Damietta, who can't be killed. This is once again the kind of challenge Astolpho is up for, so off he goes. He comes across the villain, Orillo, in combat with two Christian knights of his acquaintance: the brothers Gryphon and Aquilant. These two are chopping Orillo to bits, which does no good because all the pieces turn to quicksilver and rejoin with each other.
(There's also a dead sea monster, that Orillo had been using to terrorise people with.)
Orillo isn't being killed, but he's not winning, either, so he jumps into the river and swims off. Astolpho and the brothers retire to a pavilion, and Astolpho consults his book. The book says that there is one particular hair that needs to be cut in order to break the spell. Unfortunately, Orillo is a hirsute fellow, and the book doesn't say which one in particular needs to be lopped off.
Astolpho asks the brothers if they mind him having a go at Orillo. Be our guest, they say.
The next day Astolpho challenges Orillo to a duel. Astolpho chops of bits as quickly as he can, but they keep flowing back into Orillo. Eventually, though, he manages to cut off Orillo's head. Before the rogue can reassemble himself, Astolpho grabs the head and rides off with it, leaving Orillo's body fumbling about in the dust.
As Rabican rides off into the desert, Astolpho desperately tries to find the particular hair on Orillo's head. None of them stand out, leaving Astolpho with a last resort: he uses his sword to shave Orillo bald. One of the hairs is the fatal one, and Orillo's eyes roll back in his severed head as his body collapses.
Job done, says Astolpho. You boys want to head back to Paris with me and help save Christendom?
Sure, say the brothers, we've nothing better to do.
Gryphon, Origilla, and the Tournament at Damascus
The three soon meet the young Sir Sansonet of Mecca, who was converted by Orlando some time ago. Astolpho gives Sansonet his giant as a servant, and Sansonet gives Astolpho the golden spurs of St. George, which he found in Joppa after a siege one time.
Meanwhile, Gryphon and Aquilant get some news: Origilla is in town. Gryphon and Aquilant have history with Origilla.
"Oh, man, Gryphon, this is bad news. The number of times that woman has left us betrayed, marooned, endangered, abandoned... I don't know why we keep falling for her bullshit."Aquilant has some brotherly advice...
"Aquilant! I love Origilla and I must be with her!"
"No, wait, I remember."
"You know what I'm going to say."...but Gryphon sneaks out of town and heads to Damascus, where Origilla was last headed.
"I don't know what you're going to say."
"You know exactly what I'm going to say."
"If you have something to say, brother, you should say it."
"You're going to make me say it? Ok. Don't go haring off after Origilla."
"I am going haring off after Origilla!"
"Don't go haring off after.. ah, fuck."
Gryphon catches up with Origilla outside of Damascus, where she's riding in state with another man: Martano. Origilla catches sight of Gryphon and freaks out a bit, because last time she saw him he was stranded on a rapidly receding island. She recovers quickly, however, and throws herself around his neck, saying how she's missed him terribly after accidentally leaving that last time. Martano? Martano's not her lover, no! Martano's her brother! And now here are her two favourite men, all ready to go to the tournament that's just been announced at Damascus!
This probably won't end badly.
The Battle of Paris (Part II)
Meanwhile, Agramant is facing off against Charlemagne, and Rodomont is on fire. With very little choice, Rodomont leaves his men to burn, and leaps over the inner wall. He finds himself in a courtyard where the people of Paris are gathering for safety. This turns out to have been an unlucky choice, as Rodomont came here to put Paris to the sword and now here is a whole bunch of Parisians. Rodomont rampages through the city, massacring the populace and setting fire to buildings and pushing down walls and pillars.
Outside the city, Rinaldo's British forces take up position. With the Scottish prince Zerbino at his side, Rinaldo leads a charge into the thick of the Saracen forces. Zerbino distinguishes himself against the Spanish, but is cut off. He's rescued by Ariodantes, the new Duke of Albany (for which, refer previous).
The battle on the plains ebbs and flows, with the Christian and Saracen forces well-matched. Agramant, frustrated at the walls of Paris, detaches a large force to secure the plains. The Scottish forces - led by Zerbino, Ariodantes and Lurcanio - are cut off and scattered. Rinaldo grabs a lance and defeats several Saracen heroes, shoring up the Scottish line and pressing back at Agramant. Rinaldo, already the biggest hero on the battlefield, decides that he needs to defeat the strongest of all the warriors on the battlefield, turns to face Agramant.
Rodomont is still kicking over buildings in Paris and dismembering Parisians. Seeing him as the biggest threat, Charlemagne rides over and berates him for terrorising civilians. In a towering rage, the king lowers his lance and charges.
So do the knights Ogier, Namus, Oliver, Avino, Avolio, Otho, and Berlinghier.
That's a lot of knights.
A bit of Damascan history
Travelling through the festivities around the tournament in Damascus, Gryphon is met by a stranger knight who tells him all about the history of Damascus.
We have the young king, Norandino, who has just married a Cypriot princess, Lucina. On the way home from the wedding, though, the ship is wrecked in a storm, and a good portion of the crew captured by a blind cannibal ogre, known as the Orc (no relation to the sea-going Orc that Orlando and Rogero fought). And Lucina, too.
Noradino sets off in pursuit, and manages to sneak into the Orc's cave and make the acquaintance of his wife. Don't worry about your own wife, she says, because the Orc only eats men, never women. He just imprisons women. Speaking of which, she adds, you'd better get out of here before he smells you. Noradino refuses, saying he'd rather die by his wife than flee. The Orcwife sighs and goes with plan B, which is to use a goat carcass to make a convincing-smelling disguise for Norandino.
The Orc comes in and eats a couple of sailors, then wanders out again. Norandino sneaks up to Lucina's cage and says he's here to rescue her. And now, thanks to the Orcwife, Norandino has a plan. He instructs his men to kill the oldest, smelliest goats, one for each man and woman here. Then, with everyone disguised as old, smelly goats, they'll sneak out.
Lucina refuses to disguise herself as a goat.
When the Orc comes home and discovers that he has (a) no humans to eat and (b) no goats, either, he blames the only person left to blame, which is Lucina, and chains her to a rock. Norandino is considering his options at this point and coming up with "suicide by Orc" and "continue pretending to be a goat." But his goat act is so effective that he misses Gradasso and Mandricardo, who turn up randomly and rescue the princess. Of course, since she's a princess of Cyprus, these two figure the best thing to do is to deliver her back to the King of Cyprus. On Cyprus.
When Norandino, still disguised as a goat, discovers that Lucina is missing, he decides to go looking for her. Unfortunately, he goes in the exact wrong direction, and ends up back in Syria. He sends messengers everywhere, and eventually hears from Cyprus that Lucina is heading to Damascus
So he holds a tournament in celebration. Which is where Gryphon comes in.
The Damascan tournament
The next morning, Gryphon and Martano head to the tournament. It turns out that there's a bit of a fad in Syria for French-style tournaments, so Gryphon feels right at home. The prize here is a suit of magic armour, which was presented to the king by a merchant who found it inexplicably by the road one day. Gryphon already has magical armour, however, so he's really only in it for the bragging rights.
Gryphon does really well at the tournament, distinguishing himself against any number of Saracen and Christian knights (the tournament is explicitly open to all), until he comes up against the final eight, close friends of the king's. Martano does less well - in fact, he disgraces himself by fleeing the battlefield. Shamed by his comrade's behaviour, Gryphon redoubles his efforts and defeats each of the eight champions, individually or in pairs. Noradino calls a halt to the proceedings, and Gryphon heads back to his inn, still feeling embarrassed at Martano's actions rather than valiant at more or less winning the tournament.
Not wanting to face Gryphon, Martano and Origilla sneak out of the inn. Gryphon is exhausted, and collapses into a deep sleep. Martano and Origilla sneak into his room and steal his arms and armour, leaving Martano's in their place.
The next morning, Gryphon wakes to find that his gear is missing, and is forced to wear Martano's armour. He rides into town to find Martano, in Gryphon's armour, accepting the king's accolades for Gryphon's victory yesterday. In Martano's armour, however, Gryphon finds himself mocked and jeered. Noradino asks Martano how he came to ride with such a coward. Martano says that he only met the guy yesterday and had no idea he was so crap; he suggests that Gryphon should be hung as a warning against cowardice. Noradino thinks this is a bit harsh, and sentences him to public humiliation instead. Gryphon is overwhelmed by the guards and thrown into a cell.
The next day, Martano skips town before the deception is uncovered. Gryphon is stripped and chained to a cart, where the Damascan townsfolk berate and beat him. This goes well for the people of Damascus, until Gryphon is able to slip his bonds, grab a sword and shield, and start laying about him...
The Battle of Paris (Part III)
Eight lances thud into Rodomont, knocking him to the ground.
He gets up again.
Another dozen knights close in. No-one is able to actually pierce Rodomont's skin, but he's now on the defensive and can't get out from the press of bodies. More and more soldiers pour into the square. He slowly forces his way to the river wall, and throws himself over. He flows out with the Seine, and eventually drags himself onto the bank.
Just as he's looking at the walls of Paris and contemplating having another go, a dwarf turns up with a message from Doralice that says "Help, help, I've been captured by Mandricardo" - a message that was dispatched before she'd fallen in love with him. Charlemagne's allegorical army kicks in, and Discord convinces Rodomont to go in pursuit of Doralice.
Between Rodomont quitting the field, Charlemagne taking control of the city, and Rinaldo kicking arse on the plains, Marsilius decides to fall back with the Spanish forces. Agramant's knights fight on, led by Ferrau. In the skirmishes that follow, the young king Dardinello of Zumara kills Lurcanio and several other British knights, before being confronted and slain by Rinaldo. Agramant calls the retreat.
Charlemagne has won the day, if not the war.
Rescue tally (No change):
Melissa: 12
Angelica: 6
Bradamante: 5
Orlando: 2
Rinaldo: 2
Rogero: 0
Astolpho: 0
Next: Enter Marphisa!
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