The Book: Orlando Furioso
The Author: Lodovico Ariosto (1532-ish)
This text: An etext of a set of poetry translations from 1823 to 1831 by William Stewart Rose.
Price: Nothin'.
(Previously...)
We start with Marphisa and end with Orlando.
Zerbino and the crone (I)
While the rest of her party rides of to save France, Marphisa goes off questing through the French countryside. She immediately meets a skulking old woman - this is Gabrina, the servant of the bandits that Orlando rescued Isabel from, many cantos ago. Marphisa agrees to carry the old woman across a ford.
Shortly afterwards they meet Pinabel, the knight who pushed Bradamante into a hole several cantos ago. Pinabel has regained his lady, who was released when Bradamante broke the Tower of Iron.
(I didn't count this at the time. Bradamante's rescue count: +1 damsel.)
Pinabel's lady is not actually very nice, and as they ride past she starts insulting Marphisa.
Hey knight, says Marphisa to Pinabel, I reckon my damsel is prettier than your damsel.
She issues a challenge: if I can unhorse you, I'll take your damsel's gown and her horse. Pinabel is stung by the insult to his lady. He accepts the challenge immediately, and loses it almost as quickly. Marphisa takes the damsel's gown and horse, and gives both to the old lady.
Marphisa and the old lady ride off, and shortly encounter the Scottish knight Zerbino. Zerbino has been released from his patrolling duties so that he can chase down the knight who kidnapped his lover, Isabel. He says to Marphisa that she is wise to have chosen a damsel that no-one will want to take from her.
Hey knight, says Marphisa to Zerbino, she's prettier than you are courteous.
Marphisa aims to teach Zerbino a lesson in chivalry. She challenges him to a joust: if she wins, Zerbino will take Gabrina. If he wins, he can continue on his own way.
Zerbino is one of the champions of the Battle of Paris; he accepts the challenge immediately. And loses it almost as quickly.
Who was that knight, asks Zerbino.
Dunno, says Gabrina, I thought she was just some damsel.
(I'm not counting this as a rescue for Zerbino.)
Zerbino and the old lady ride off, and promptly start getting on each other's nerves. Gabrina works out that Zerbino is Isabel's beloved. She taunts him, saying that she knows what happened to her. Zerbino gives his best and deepest apology, and begs to know what's going on.
Oh, you know, says the crone, she's been betrayed, kidnapped, abducted by bandits, all sorts of terrible terrible things.
Zerbino begs, cajoles, threatens and pleads to be taken to where she was last seen; Gabrina reluctantly agrees to take him, taunting him all the while.
They encounter another knight. Gabrina reminds Zerbino that he's supposed to protect her. She tells him that this is Hermonides of Holland, who killed her father and her brother. Protect me, she says.
Hey knight, says Hermonides, I'm going to kill that woman. Stand aside.
I'm kind of sworn to protect her, says Zerbino, sorry.
They joust, and Zerbino wounds Hermonides badly through the shoulder.
Hermonides says that he's surprised to see such a valiant knight defending such a horrible woman.
It's like this, says Hermonides: through a complicated series of lies and betrayals, Gabrina tricked my brother Philander into killing her husband and taking his place. Then she tried to poison him. It was all pretty bleak for Philander, but Gabrina was betrayed by her poisoning partner after she tried to poison him as well, so it all worked out alright and we imprisoned her so that we could burn her at the stake.
Wow, says Zerbino, sorry about the shoulder.
Don't worry about it, says Hermonides, I've got people with me.
Zerbino rides off with Gabrina, and starts to wonder how he might get rid of her with his honour intact.
Astolpho to the rescue!
Somewhere in the Middle East, Astolpho is trying to get home. Of course, Astolpho's horse is Rabican, made of wind and fire, and it turns out that his main problem in getting home was all his impossibly earth-bound comrades. He scoots back around the Mediterranean and across Europe, and is back home in England in a matter of weeks. Here he finds that his father, Otho, has been in Paris for months.
Off to Paris, then - but as he stops for a drink by a river, someone nicks his horse.
Of course, he sets off in pursuit, but he's on foot and clad in armour, and his horse is made of wind and fire.
He tracks the thief as best he can, and finds himself outside a magic dome. This is Atlantes' dome of trapping, which contains (at least) Bradamante. Astolpho was given a book by Logistilla that tells him how to undo magic, which he consults. Atlantes, however, doesn't want his dome dispelled, so he sics a posse of enscorcelled knights on him: Bradamante, Brandimart, Prasildo, Iroldo, Gradasso and Rogero.
(I'm not sure if this a plot hole - last we saw the dome Angelica had used her ring of dispel magic and also invisibility to rescue at least Rogero, Orlando, Brandimart, Sacripant and Ferrau - or if I missed the bit where Brandimart and Rogero circled back and got trapped again. But it's the same dome that Bradamante got trapped in, and it now apparently has a bunch of other trapped knights within it. Trapping knights is what it's for.)
Astolpho is pretty good, but this is a pretty heavy force. He brings out his horn of terror again. Everyone runs, including Atlantes. All the captured horses break their bonds, and flee as well. Astolpho watches sadly as Rabican disappears over the horizon.
Since these knights are now free and their captor has fled, they count as rescues for Astolpho.
Astolpho's rescue count: +6 knights!
Astolpho continues what he started, turning over a rock buried under the threshold and releasing the spirit trapped therein, dissolving the magic dome once and for all. He is heartened to see Atlantes' hippogriff, which fled back to its master once it escaped from Rogero. Astolpho was there when Logistilla was instructing Rogero in the gentle art of hippogriff riding, so he fixes the bridle and flies off. He is unwilling to abandon Rabican, however, so he starts an aerial search.
Together at last!
Bradamante and Rogero flee through the forest in terror. Eventually, however, they come to their senses - and lo! Here they both are! And no-one is being kidnapped, ensorcelled, eaten or attacked by anything! They kiss! There's a lot of kissing.
Rogero proposes. Bradamante accepts, on one condition: her father isn't going to accept a Saracen as a son-in-law, so he'll need to convert.
Fair enough, says Rogero. They head off towards the nearest abbey.
But they are interrupted by a crying damsel. Neither knight is going to ignore a crying damsel.
The damsel is crying because a young knight is going to be executed. This knight had fallen in love with the daughter of Marsilius, King of Spain, and had been sneaking into her chambers disguised as a serving maid. Marsilius got wind of this, ambushed the lovers in the bedroom, and sentenced the knight to death by fire.
Not on my watch, says Bradamante.
The damsel starts crying again. To get there in time, they're going to have to go through Lord Pinabel's lands. And Pinabel has this weird new custom. See, this mysterious knight came through and unhorsed him, and took his damsel's frock and horse. So she made him pass a new law: that every knight that comes through has to surrender their horse and armour, and every damsel her dress.
Not only that, he's just taken four really awesome travelling knights into his service, who are doing the enforcing.
Not on my watch, says Rogero.
They travel onwards, and are accosted by Pinabel. And his four knights: Guido, Sansonet, Gryphon and Aquilant. This is Gryphon's fault.
"Aquilant? How come you guys are working for this dickhead?"Guido is Bradamante's half-brother, but neglects to introduce himself. This is almost certainly out of embarrassment.
"Let's just say Gryphon is not allowed to choose the loyalty oaths anymore."
Pinabel demands the knights' armour and the damsel's gown. Rogero rides out. (Bradamante suggests that maybe he should leave this to the vastly more experienced knight, but he's keen to prove himself.) Sansonet lowers his lance. After three passes, Rogero is the victor.
Pinabel is impressed, and asks Bradamante who this kid is. But Bradamante remembers Pinabel from earlier.
"Wrong question - you should be asking 'Who is his attractive but terribly dangerous friend?'"Bradamante stabs him. Then she stabs him again. Then she stabs him again.
"I'm sorry, I don't..."
"Do you remember pushing a lady knight down a hole and stealing her horse and trapping her in a cave with a woman wizard who talked incessantly of wombs?"
"Not sure about that last bit..."
"The name is Bradamante, and I want my horse back. Stab!"
Gryphon and Aquilant are torn: do they really want to keep fighting now that their lord is dead? Especially since he's such a creep? But Pinabel's lady demands they keep fighting for the sake of their oaths, and they reluctantly agree.
Gryphon lines up next against Rogero, but there's a twist. Rogero has a magic shield of dazzling, that will stupefy anyone who looks at it. He considers this profoundly unsporting against anything smaller than an orc-sized sea monster, so it's covered with a pillowcase. But Gryphon's lance catches the cover, exposing the shield. The remaining knights are dazzled and fall unconscious.
Rogero is mortified - to win an honourable duel using sorcery! He wakes up the goodly maiden to apologise, and surreptitiously dumps his shield in a well. He sets off on his original mission, to rescue the knightly lover.
Pinabel's four knights wake up from their magical doze, and find out that Pinabel is dead. They wonder what to do next, and wander away.
And Bradamante comes back from stabbing Pinabel, to find that everyone has nicked off.
Home sweet home
Bradamante spends the night looking at the stars and regretting her impetuous anger. In the morning, Astolpho happens to be flying by and spots her.
He's looking for someone trustworthy he can give Rabican to, as well as look after his armour. Bradamante is his cousin, and she's just the knight for the job.
Bradamante already has a horse: Frontino, who was Rogero's until he accidentally flew off on a hippogriff, then Bradamante's while she tried to rescue Rogero, then Pinabel's after he pushed her down a hole. She loads the armour onto Frontino, and sets off in search of Rogero.
It's at this point that Bradamante realises where she is: just outside Mount Alban, her family estate. She figures that it's probably not the best time to go home and explain the whole Rogero thing to the parents, and is just about to ride off when she's spotted by her brother Alardo, who greets her enthusiastically and says that everyone will be really very pleased to see her.
Especially mum.
With gritted teeth, Bradamante follows Alardo.
It becomes pretty clear that Bradamante's family obligations do not allow her to go off questing in the immediate future. She decides the best way she can help Rogero is by giving him his horse back: she surreptitiously hands Frontino off to a maid, Hippalca, with instructions to find Rogero as quickly as possible.
Hippalca dutifully heads off, and promptly finds herself in the presence of a Saracen knight.
Unfortunately, it's Rodomont.
Rodomont is afoot, and decides a horse is just what he needs.
You can't have this one, says Hippalca, it belongs to the fierce knight Rogero.
Rodomont says that's great: he can't steal the horse of an innocent maiden, but he's more than happy to steal Rogero's horse.
(Rodomont would totally steal the horse of an innocent maiden.)
Rodomont takes Frontino and heads off on his own quest, which is pursuing Doralice, currently with Mandricardo.
Zerbino and the crone (II)
Zerbino, still accompanied by the crone Gabrina, comes across Pinabel's corpse. Gabrina is all for looting it; Zerbino is against, so Gabrina makes do with surreptitiously pinching a valuable girdle.
The two move on to Altaripa, ruled by Count Anselmo. Anselmo has just found out that his son Pinabel has been murdered.
Zerbino doesn't want to be thought guilty of said murder, and says nothing about the corpse he found.
Gabrina, however, is still pissed off at the looting thing, and she starts telling everyone that Zerbino killed Pinabel. Look, she says, here's his girdle. Zerbino's silence suddenly looks incredibly suspicious, and Anselmo claps him in irons, to be executed on the morrow.
Lucky for Zerbino, then, that on the morrow Orlando turns up, with Isabel in tow. Isabel immediately tells Orlando that this is her betrothed. Orlando reckons that (a) he looks alright; (b) Anselmo has had a long-standing feud with Orlando's family, and (c) Gabrina is dodgy as shit. He immediately declares that Zerbino is innocent and must be released at once.
In the mop-up, eighty men are dead and forty more wounded, and Orlando, Zerbino and Isabel are riding towards a font.
(Orlando's rescue count: +1 Scottish knight.)
Zerbino is a little troubled; he's delighted to see Isabel again, but he is also concerned that she is clearly with a terribly impressive knight, one to whom he owes a pretty serious debt. In short, he's not sure of the extent to which Isabel is with Orlando.
Orlando is pretty astute, however, and when Zerbino bursts into tears, he realises something is up. The situation is explained, and Isabel describes Orlando's perfect chivalry, and Zerbino says that now he's even more in Orlando's debt.
Everyone is happy.
Until about five minutes later when Mandricardo comes crashing through.
Mandricardo and Orlando
Orlando, says Mandricardo, stand and fight!
Um, says Orlando, who the hell are you?
Mandricardo patiently explains that he has sworn to wield no sword but Durindana, Orlando's sword.
Fair enough, says Orlando.
Because it was Hector's sword and my ancestral right, says Mandricardo, part of the complete set of arms and armour that I'm collecting.
Ok, says Orlando.
Also, you killed my father, says Mandricardo.
We should probably fight then, says Orlando.
(Hi, says Doralice, I'm Doralice.)
They joust, and the lances shatter without any sort of result. Since Mandricardo doesn't have a sword, he tries a desperate horseback wrestling manoeuvre. Orlando, meanwhile, just grabs at shit.
So what happens is that when the horses near each other, Mandricardo stands up in the saddle and tries to grapple Orlando. Orlando, meanwhile, slips the bridle off Mandricardo's horse. Orlando is dragged off his horse with his saddle still gripped between his thighs; Mandricardo then goes careering off on an uncontrolled steed.
It takes forever for Mandricardo to stop his horse, and when he does he's got nothing to control it with. He's mortified at having to all appearances run out on a duel. Doralice catches up with him and says that her horse is pretty docile, maybe he should use her bridle. This seems ungentlemanly to Mandricardo.
But it's ok, because just then Gabrina rides up, still dressed in her ridiculous finery, and so he steals hers.
Raging Roland
In the meantime, Orlando dusts himself off and looks about for Mandricardo. When the Tartar is a no-show, he decides that a duel is a duel and he'd better track him down. He tells Isabel and Zerbino to head for Paris and don't get caught up in any adventures while they're about it.
It gets hot, and Orlando looks about a shady spot to rest. He finds a shepherd's hut, and he's just starting to relax when he sees something.
He sees "ANGELICA LOVES MEDORO" carved into a tree.
That's a funny way of spelling Orlando, he thinks.
He sees the same words carved into a fountain. And a doorpost. And woven in grass. It's everywhere.
Could be any Angelica, he thinks.
He finds a love poem, dedicated to Angelica of Cathay, the daughter of Galaphron. It's signed by Medoro, husband of Angelica of Cathay, etc. etc.
This may be a misunderstanding, thinks Orlando.
He takes shelter in the shepherd's shed, and the next morning the shepherd tells him that the last people who slept there were this lovely honeymooning couple - a Chinese princess and a young Saracen knight, and they were the happiest, most loving, most generous pair you could ever meet. They paid with this bracelet that some sucker had once given her.
Well fuck, thinks Orlando.
He walks into the deepest part of the greenwood, and then, once he is entirely sure he is alone, he completely loses his shit.
Next: Terrible, terrible things.
Rescue tally:
Melissa: 12
Angelica: 7
Bradamante: 6
Astolpho: 6
Orlando: 3
Rinaldo: 2
Marphisa: 1
Rogero: 0
No comments:
Post a Comment