The Myth: Sivrid the Dragon-Slayer! Kriemhilt the Vengeful! Prunhilt the Warrior Queen! Love! Gold! Rings! Treachery! Bitter vengeance! Blood! Violence! So much blood and violence!
The Book: The Nibelungenlied
The Author: An unknown poet (c. 1200)
This text: A prose translation by Cyril Edwards
Price: about $AU20.
The Nibelungenlied is bloody, very bloody. The first half sets up the characters, the relationships and the dynamics that lead to all the blood. The foreshadowing is hilariously heavy: any time anyone is happy, or successful, or sometimes just there, the narrator will point out that everyone is going to die horribly.
The second half is mostly blood.
This is the first half.
Kriemhilt
We are introduced to Kriemhilt of Burgundy as a pretty young lady who is going to get a lot of people killed.
In a dream, Kriemhilt sees herself rearing a falcon, which is ripped apart by eagles. Her mother, Uote, says that it means that she'll marry a good man who will pretty soon die amid a catastrophic descent into bloodshed and horror. Kriemhilt says that she'd rather not marry in that case. Uote says she probably will, that's how things work out, don't worry about it too much. Kriemhilt vows never to fall in love.
This will probably work out fine.
Sivrit
In the Netherlands, a young prince grows up straight and tall and perfect. He is well regarded, for his skill at arms, his lovely clothes, and his tremendous prettiness. This is Sivrit, who is knighted with great and elaborate ceremony. His parents immediately start grooming him to take over the throne, and his dad Sigmunt suggests that he might want to get married to one of the seven hundred women who have offered.
Sivrit, however, decides that he wants to marry the most beautiful woman in the world, who he understands to be Kriemhilt of Burgundy. He's never met her, but his heart is set.
Sivrit's mother, Siglint, suggests that this is a bad idea. Burgundy is full of psychos, she says. Kriemhilt's brothers - Gunther, Gernot and Giselher - are psychos. Their henchman Hagen is a psycho. Basically, everyone he's likely to come into contact with in Burgundy is a psycho.
Sivrit points out that he has a wide range of options at his disposal: if he is unsuccessful using diplomacy, he can always resort to violence.
This will probably work out fine.
Sivrit's backstory
Sivrit is already a little bit famous: as he and his train arrive in Burgundy, Hagen of Tronege relates his story.
Once upon a time, Sivrit met the two princes of the dwarfish Nibelungs, Schilbunc and Nibelunc. These two had pulled all their gold out of a mountain and were bickering about how to share it. Since they couldn't decide, they asked Sivrit, giving him the invincible magic sword Balmunc as a reward. However, the Nibelungs weren't happy with how Sivrit had shared out the treasure, so they ambushed him with twelve giants.
Thing is, they'd just armed him with an invincible magic sword.
Twelve giants and several hundred dwarves later, Sivrit found himself ruler of the Nibelungs. This didn't sit well with Albrich, the king of the dwarves, who put on his magical cloak of invisibility and attacked him.
One more dwarf later, Sivrit was king of the Nibelungs with a cloak of invisibility and Albrich as his chamberlain, treasurer and sworn vassal.
Then he killed a dragon and bathed in his blood, making him invulnerable.
He's a dick, adds Hagen, but we probably shouldn't piss him off.
Gunther and company ride out to meet Sivrit, and ask him what he's doing in Burgundy.
I've come to conquer all your lands, says Sivrit.
Fuck off, says Gunther.
Then can I marry your sister? asks Sivrit.
...maybe, says Gunther.
This will probably all work out fine.
War
Burgundy is currently being menaced by Saxons and Danes, led by the brothers Liudeger and Liudegast. A messenger says that Gunther has offended the brothers, and that they will bring their armies.
Never heard of them, says Gunther.
This does not please the messenger.
Gunther summons his brothers and his vassals and asks for their counsel.
Hagen says: Seems to me you've got two problems - Saxons sniffing around your borders, and Sivrit sniffing around your sister. You could solve at least one of these problems by putting Sivrit in your vanguard against the Saxons.
Everyone rides out to war. Sivrit outmanouvers the Danes and falls on their rearguard; he is pleasantly surprised to find Liudegast there. Liudegast begs for his life, and is taken prisoner.
The Burgundian host then falls on the Saxons. Liudeger is caught in a pincer movement between Sivrit and Hagen, and falls back. He is a bit put out that his brother has been captured, and tries to rally his troops, but after half a day fighting Sivrit he finally recognises his heraldry and surrenders.
Sivrit is very much regarded as the hero of the battle. Word of his deeds comes back to Kriemhilt, who asks for a full account of the battle, with special mention of Sivrit's prettiness.
Hagen, meanwhile, is pissed off that his plan to eliminate Sivrit has instead just raised his stocks through the roof.
Gunther treats his royal prisoners extravagantly, making sure they're well fed and comfortable, and that their surviving troops are healed and looked after. They are suitably chastened and impressed, but when they ask to go home Gunther refuses: there's going to be a huge celebration of their victory.
That sounds just dandy, says Liudeger.
Kriemhilt is very excited about the upcoming party, and prepares wonderful garments as gifts for the heroes. Especially Sivrit. She asks for very precise measurements.
This will probably all work out fine.
Wooing I
At the celebration, Sivrit sees Kriemhilt for the first time. On the one hand, he is pretty pleased that she is as lovely as he'd heard. On the other, he's quite upset that he doesn't actually have permission to approach her.
Gernot says to Gunther, Dude - the guy saved our fucking arses in that battle, the least you could do is let him say hello to our sister.
Fine, says Gunther, fucking fine.
Sivrit and Kriemhilt are allowed to approach each other. They take advantage of the formal ceremony to send subtle signals to each other. Those signals say: I think you're hot.
They spend a lot of time together. Officially, Kriemhilt is expressing gratitude to Sivrit for keeping her kinsmen and country safe from marauders.
Unofficially, the court is able to read between the lines.
Kriemhilt's mother does remind her of her oath to never fall in love. Kriemhilt returns with a compelling argument: Sivrit is terribly pretty.
Eventually Liudeger and Liudegast ask if they can go home. On Sivrit's advice, Gunther releases them on the condition that they swear an oath never to attack again. They also offer quite a lot of gold in ransom, but it's the oath that clinches it.
Sivrit, however, begins to feel that his suit isn't getting anywhere: Kriemhilt's all for it, but he can't get any word from Gunther. He too asks for leave to head home, but Giselher persuades him to stick around for the sake of his friends.
He agrees.
Meaning that he gets to see Kriemhilt every single day. Without being allowed to woo her.
This will probably work out fine.
Wooing II
Gunther, meanwhile, hears about a land of beautiful warrior-women, and decides he wants to marry their queen.
Gunther, no, says Sivrit, Iceland is full of psychos and their queen is the worst of the lot.
Hagen contemplates the idea of a land of psychos terrible enough to give Sivrit pause.
Hey, he says, if Sivrit's been to Iceland and met their queen, maybe he should be your guide.
That's a great idea, says Gunther.
Let's bring Hagen as well, says Sivrit.
What, says Hagen.
So everyone dresses up nicely and sails off to woo Prunhilt for Gunther. Dancwart, Hagen's younger brother, comes too.
(A note: It's never exactly stated that Prunhilt is Sivrit's ex, but it's vaguely implied. Apparently in other versions of the myth it's rather more obvious and explicit.)
The party of four rocks up to Prunhilt's castle, which is huge, and is defended as advertised by beautiful women with very big spears. Sivrit explains carefully that they shouldn't piss anyone off, and eventually they are brought before the queen.
Hey Sivrit, she says, what are you doing here? Ya wooin'?
I'd like you to meet my uh, liege, Gunther of Burgundy, he says, and recommend him as a bridegroom.
When everyone has finished laughing, Prunhilt asks is he knows what that entails. The trials and shit.
He'll do your trials, says Hagen.
Well then, says Prunhilt.
What? says Gunther.
You've got to defeat her in combat, says Sivrit.
Oh, says Gunther.
This will probably work out fine.
The Wooing Arena
They enter the Wooing Arena. Prunhilt has armoured up; her armour is impressive, all gold and silks and thick steel. Her shield and weapons are huge. She brandishes her spear.
Holy shit, says Gunther, that's a big spear.
Holy fuck, says Gunther, she's going to kill me.
Psst, says a voice at his elbow, it's me, Sivrit. I have a cloak of invisibility and I'd like to talk to you about your sister.
What the fuck, says Gunther, this isn't the best time.
But hey, says Sivrit, wouldn't it be really great if you had an invisible, invulnerable, impossibly strong hero on your side right now?
You make a compelling argument, says Gunther.
Prunhilt throws her spear. Sivrit, invisible, catches it and throws it back, careful not to actually pierce her with it.
Prunhilt follows with a boulder, and a mighty leap following it. Sivrit catches the boulder and throws it away, even further, with Gunther miming. Then Sivrit joins battle with a leap, carrying Gunther with him. Sivrit puppets Gunther through a wrestling match, which he - they - wins.
Wow, says Prunhilt, guess you're King of Iceland now, Gunther my boy.
That's great, says Sivrit, even though I didn't see any of what happened - we should head back to the Rhineland now.
Oh no, says Prunhilt, that wasn't part of the deal.
Prunhilt starts summoning her vassals, who bring their armies. Gunther is a little worried by this.
Um, says Sivrit, be right back.
Sivrit pisses off back to the land of the Nibelungs. There he finds the dwarf Albrich on the throne. They fight, and Sivrit wins.
Didn't you recognise me? says Sivrit.
Oh, it's you, says Albrich, you should have said.
Sivrit has Albrich raise an army of three thousand men, who set sail back to Iceland. He is able to convince Prunhilt that these are Gunther's forces, and that maybe they should all head back to Burgundy real nice like.
This will probably work out fine.
Burgundy nights
The party returns to Burgundy. Gunther tells Kriemhilt that he's decided she can marry Sivrit.
About fucking time, she says.
After the wedding, Sivrit and Kriemhilt retire to their bedroom. Gunther makes suggestive eyebrow motions at Prunhilt. Prunhilt takes Gunther back to their room, where she beats him up, binds him with leather thongs, hangs him from a nail and gets a good night's sleep.
It's nothing personal, she says the next morning, it's just that I don't find you very impressive and my strength is tied to my virginity.
After church the next day, Sivrit and Gunther get to talking. Sivrit is in a very good mood. Gunther is not. Sivrit asks him what's up - surely he is as happy with his new wife as Sivrit is with his?
Thing is, says Gunther, she, uh, beat me up, tied me up with leather thongs and hung me from a nail.
After some thought Sivrit says: wouldn't it be great if you had an invisible, invulnerable, impossibly strong hero on your side right now?
Gunther glares at him.
Oh, says Sivrit, I don't mean I'd... I mean, no, not with all the great sex I'm having with your sister. I just want to help you out. I feel I owe you, what with all the great sex I'm having with your sister. I sure am having great sex with your sister.
Gunther mumbles a response.
That night, Sivrit tells Gunther to make sure the lights are out. Gunther hides in a corner while Sivrit sneaks into the room. Prunhilt warns "Gunther" that if he tries anything tonight he'll get the same treatment. A wrestling match ensues; Prunhilt almost immediately gets the upper hand, until Sivrit sees red and throws her down onto the bed.
Wow, Gunther, says Prunhilt, you're so much less pathetic than you were last night!
Sivrit takes this as his cue to leave, and Gunther takes over. He is, happily, a better lover than a fighter, and Prunhilt is not unsatisfied.
Still. Before he leaves, Sivrit decides - for reasons that are never satisfactorily explained - to take her ring and her shift.
It will probably all work out fine.
Tension and Intrigue
Sivrit and Kriemhilt head back to the Netherlands. They are very welcome. Sigmunt decides that the time has come to hand over his crown to his son, and Sivrit is made king. As queen, Kriemhilt is much loved and incredibly wealthy, thanks to Sivrit's hoard of Nibelung gold.
Sivrit and Kriemhilt have a son, who they call Gunther, which is quite sweet of them.
Gunther and Prunhilt have a son, who they call Sivrit, which is quite sweet of them.
Gunther decides to host a festival, and invites his sister and her husband. They are very pleased to attend.
However: Prunhilt and Kriemhilt do not get on.
The key to this is the wooing episode, which led to Prunhilt losing most of her strength and possibly her kingdom, over which she may still bear some subconscious resentment. Crucially, during that whole episode Sivrit was presented as Gunther's bondsman and vassal, and nobody has corrected the record.
So when he turns up at the festival acting like a king, Prunhilt feels justified in giving Kriemhilt a passive-aggressive serve.
However, Kriemhilt - actually a queen - does not take kindly to this, and returns fire. This escalates until Kriemhilt lets loose something that can not be taken back: How come my husband has your underwear and jewellery? Is it because you're a big fat slut?
Prunhilt has no actual idea why Sivrit has her underwear and jewellery, and as far as she's concerned this is utter, utter libel, and possibly theft and treason as well. The two queens part on extremely frosty terms.
Hagen sidles up to Prunhilt and says, what was all that about?
Prunhilt tells her side of the story. Hagen suggests that maybe things would be better if Sivrit weren't around.
Prunhilt does not disagree.
Hagen sidles up to Kriemhilt and says, hey, does Sivrit have any weaknesses?
Kriemhilt, who has been friends with Hagen since childhood and has no reason to mistrust him except for his personality and his weird closeness with her brother's psycho wife, says, yeah.
It turns out that when Sivrit killed the dragon and bathed in its blood, there was a linden leaf on his shoulder, and that spot is theoretically vulnerable. Kriemhilt is always worried that a stray spear is going to hit him in exactly that spot and he'll die.
Hagen suggests that if maybe she sewed a little mark on his tunic over the exact spot, Hagen and the boys could look out for him, make sure nothing goes near it.
Kriemhilt says that sounds entirely reasonable, and thanks him for being such a true and loyal friend.
This will probably all work out fine.
Things do not work out fine
Hagen fosters rumours that Liudeger and Liudegast are planning to attack again. Sivrit immediately volunteers to lead the vanguard, just like last time. This serves to separate Sivrit from his own knights.
Hagen also lets Gunther know that Sivrit is behind the tensions between Kriemhilt and Prunhilt. This sends Gunther into a dark mood, believing that Sivrit has betrayed the secret of his wedding night.
Once they've ridden out, Hagen tells Sivrit that the war has been called off, and they should go hunting instead. Sivrit thinks this is a great idea, and immediately hunts down some boars, a lion, some aurochs, wild bulls, and a live bear, which is soon a dead bear. He's a bit puffed out after all of this and suggests that they stop for a drink.
Oh no, says Gunther, Hagen forgot to order the wine.
Don't worry, says Sivrit, I found a spring nearby.
Let's race, says Hagen.
Everyone strips down to their tunics. Sivrit wins the race, but offers Gunther and Hagen the first drinks.
Gunther accepts, but Hagen says: Oh no. After you.
As Sivrid lays down to drink, Hagen takes his javelin and spears him through the mark on his tunic.
You fucker, says Sivrid.
And dies.
Next: Blood. So much blood.
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